How To Know When To Walk Away From a Toxic Situation

You need help.

You are in a situation where you are torn about walking away from something that might or not be working.

You might be asking questions like the following:

A) “When do I know when to walk away from a toxic situation?”

B) “What happens if I don’t walk away?”

C) “What should I do to to evaluate who should be in my life?”

D) “What should never be up for negotiation in my life?”

E) “How do I move on from a terrible situation?”

F) “When do I put an end to a relationship and when do I push through?”

G) “If I’m not respected, should I walk away from the relationship?”

H) “What do I do if I need to act differently around my partner to be with them?”

I) “What do I do if I can’t trust the other person?”

J) “How do I know when the relationship is over?”

If this describes your situation, read on to know when to walk away from the relationship, how to walk away from the relationship and how to know the signs of a great relationship so you can stay in those relationships and build them to make the most out of them.

Before we get into the post, if you scrolled throughout the post, you noticed that it’s long.

Really long.

29662 words long.

This post is the most researched and the most in-depth post on the subject of walking away from relationships.

Every question you have about your relationship is addressed in this post.

To give you an outline, here are the topics:

      1. When To Walk Away From a Romantic Relationship

      2. When To Walk Away From a Friendship

      3. When To Walk Away From Family Members

      4. When To Walk Away From Your Job

      5. When To Walk Away From a Professional Relationship

      6. When To Walk Away From a Client

      7. How To Get Out of Each Type of Toxic Relationship

      8. Signs of a Great Relationship

      9. How To Know You’ve Found a Dependable Person

      10. How To Stop Being Jealous of Someone

      11. How To Get Over a Bad Relationship

And bonus, you will also learn about the #1 thing you can do to avoid toxic relationships if you stick around far enough.

Let’s get right to it.

When To Walk Away From a Romantic Relationship

1. Your boundaries are crossed

This is arguably one of the trickiest topics on the planet because you might make a move that seems good on the surface, but it can backfire if you are not careful.

Let me explain this so you can understand.

A lot of times in romantic relationships, there something that I like to call “smiling faces with hidden agendas,” aka “Pinocchio Syndrome.”

What this means is the person you are interacting with has different intentions than what he or she is marketing to you throughout your relationship, being dating or on an adventure, etc.

They seem like this happy go lucky person who is the nicest person in the world until at the moment they planned for, they completely act different.

They ignore your phone calls, they start to not keep their promises, they disappear from you and you wonder where they are.

More often than not, this is a setup in order to try to take something away from you in some capacity.

They get you on an emotional high and then they act different once they put you in a situation where you have to concede to them in order to get out of that situation.

In negotiation, this is what’s called “the last concession.” The person not controlling the deal makes the last concession to the person who is controlling the deal.

Speaking on this point, understand this:

Every relationship is a business relationship of some sorts.

There is a value exchange between two parties (meaning the two of you) with the hope of receiving something in return that is more than what you bargained for.

A lot of times, companies providing you a product will not deliver the goods or flat out lie to you in order to take your money.

And just like the time where your boyfriend or girlfriend might’ve acted nice until they got what they want, they turn into a different animal once they get what they want.

Whenever someone is acting too nice to you in a way that makes you feel extremely happy, this is a red flag.

It is more likely than not an effort to steal your control over the relationship and concede to them anything that they want.

You should not immediately fall for this.

If they continue this behavior without agreeing to your written standards, which will be discussed shortly, kick them out of the relationship immediately if you can.

To rectify this issue, this is what you should do with any prospective boyfriend or girlfriend right from the get go of the relationship:

Have a written contract that you both create (lawyers are not needed) and you both outline what is expected from each other in the relationship.

In other words, this can prevent the 2^nd reason to walk away from a romantic relationship and that is:

2. Your Partner Doesn’t Hold Their End of The Bargain

This is like the US Constitution of the relationship where everyone’s rights and obligations are written set and stone without any ifs and buts.

And like the US Constitution, it can be amended to account for things that were not addressed in the first edition of the relationship contract.

When you talk to your prospective partner about the terms that get put into this contract you will first say “What do you expect from me?”

This will give the prospective boyfriend/girlfriend some control (or at least the feeling of control) over the contract when in reality, it’s a negotiation tactic you are using to defend yourself from being misled in the relationship.

Then, you will ask “What should I expect from you?”

They will say all of the things that they want to do and it gives them the sense that they are making their own rules.

Hence, you are giving them an image that they are writing their own contract.

These are the boundaries in the relationship that will govern what is expected of everybody.

Of course, you have to hold up your end of the bargain or there will be an unnecessary mess coming your way, but assuming you hold up your end of the bargain, all you have to do is consistently review what they have done and see if it lines up with what you both agreed on.

If it does, great. Just repeat the process and kick them out if they ever go against the written standards.

Now if there is something that occurred that wasn’t addressed in the written document, amend it to reflect the new item.

If they don’t agree with this new term, end the relationship.

This is them not holding their end of the bargain.

ALWAYS have a condition in the agreement that allows you and your partner to get out of the relationship if either of you want to with no strings attached.

And if you have any non-negotiables for a relationship, put those in as well. If they say no to these conditions, tell them hasta la bye bye.

Romantic relationships are like a team sport where, much more than in other relationships, you both are supposed to be on the same team working together.

If you both work together, like many couples, you both achieve great things.

However, because of their nature, they are actually adversarial relationships and you must treat them as such.

You must always be in the position of strength in the relationship and in the position to walk away when there is something unfavorable for you in order to eliminate the risk of being dependent on the person for something you need and having to endure unfavorable circumstances to receive that need.

And this lends itself to reason number 3 to get out of a romantic relationship:

3. You Find Out Your Partner Is Lying To You

This is why marriage is a REALLY bad idea for most people, especially men (if you are a woman, please don’t take offense; I’m just saying the facts) because what usually happens is the woman tries to do everything possible to set the marriage up so that they take the man’s hard earned fortune for doing absolutely nothing to earn those things.

In addition, they use their looks in order to trick the man into having unprotected sex with her so she can have babies and make the man pay child support for her.

Essentially, the woman is using the man as an income producing asset instead of a partner.

This is disgusting at best.

That’s why you must have your financial situation squared away before entering ANY romantic relationship of any kind, which lends itself into number 4:

4. Leave The Relationship If You Are Not Financially Self-Sufficient

If your financial situation is not squared away and you can get out of the relationship, GET OUT NOW!

It’s only a matter of time before your partner will trap you somehow.

They have Pinocchio Syndrome where they are just lying to you and you are their next victim.

If you can’t get out of that relationship, you are going to need to focus on your income in order to resolve the situation because that is the only way you can buy out of the problem.

As long as you need your partner to pay their bills, you are their prisoner.

You will need to compromise your limits to be in it.

Read those sentence again.

Freedom is NOT free. You must earn it and be smart with the money you earn or you’ll end up right back in the prison of the real world (no, not prison where you go when you commit a crime, but the prison of needing to follow someone else’s agenda to live your life).

In short, if you are not self-sufficient, you are the worker and your partner is the boss.

Now, here’s another situation where you’d want to leave the relationship:

5. You Have Better Things To Do Professionally, Physically and in Any Area of Your Life

If your relationship drains you of this, absolutely get out.

And here’s the beauty of this:

The fact that you are able to walk out of the relationship to improve other areas of your life will increase the value that you can provide to other people and as a result, the quality of your relationships will go up.

And since you provide more value than anyone, you become more exclusive and as a result, more people will want to date you.

At this point, you have become something that other people need since it is hardwired to them psychologically.

In addition, since you are in the position to say no more often, you become more attractive.

The reason is if people see you as something extremely exclusive and other people want it as well, they will want you even more and your value goes up.

This is what’s called the consensus implies correctness heuristic and it is a very powerful psychological trick to influence more people to buy the product you are selling (that’s right, you are selling you).

At this point, people will do anything to get into a relationship with you (you don’t want these people).

And because of this, you get to make a lot of the rules in the relationship since if they don’t follow them, they can’t get into it.

It’s all business. Speaking from a man’s perspective, the currency I would be receiving is a woman’s fine body for some naughty behavior (I’m being straight up honest) and a loving companion I can spend quality time with and work on the same team with.

The woman would be receiving social status for winning “the contest” (via a concept called social proof) and being taken care of emotionally, financially and physically while also being protected in light of danger while also being able to meet new people and have a great time (after all, girls just wanna have fun as the song says).

It only helps you to improve yourself.

6. Your Feelings Die Down And You Are Over the Initial Relationship “High”

This is another situation where you might consider walking away from the relationship.

Here, take a look at the agreement you both had and see if they violated it somehow.

If so, run for the exits.

If not, maybe sit down and have a talk with your partner of warranted to discuss any miscommunications and concerns they might have.

This will help avoid problems down the road and might warrant both of you adding more amendments to the written agreement.

7. You Are Not Happy In It / The Relationship Feels Like a Chore

The purpose of being in a romantic relationship is to be happy and fulfilled in it, not for it to be this big hassle with numerous hoops to jump through.

If it feels like a big fat chore you have to do or like you’re in a class with a ridiculous professor who gives like 50 extremely hard problems per week followed by 3 projects due on the same day 1 week later, you should get out of the relationship ASAP.

Life is way too short to be dealing with ridiculous nonsense.

This is what I’d like to call “Reality TV Show Syndrome” where it feels like it is you are on a reality TV show with extreme suspense and sudden twists and turns and you want to scream into the camera “Oh my god, what the hell is going on?!”

Please do yourself a favor and save this for the stars on TV.

8. Your Gut Tells You To Leave

Listen to me when I say this:

Your gut is ALWAYS right.

It never steers you wrong.

Think of your gut like it’s your best friend because it is.

It is never against your interests and it is always going to tell you what’s best for you, regardless of the situation.

If you are in doubt of anything, dig deep into it and do what it says.

You will not be disappointed by the outcome; I can assure you that one.

Now, here’s an important point to keep in mind:

9. Your Peace Is Being Attacked

You want to be as peaceful as possible in the relationship.

There will be choppy seas when you embark on a romantic relationship, but there shouldn’t be too many choppy seas. It should be relatively smooth sailing.

If there is little to no smooth sailing, there’s a problem.

When this problem is occurring, your peace is threatened.

Therefore, you must take an action to resolve the situation ASAP.

If your partner doesn’t abide by the contract, throw him or her overboard ASAP.

Remember, you are the captain of the ship. Don’t ever be the crew member who has to suck up to the captain or he’ll get shot.

In this case, you will be stressed out and not drinking rum with Captain Jack.

Speaking of which, why is the rum gone?!

Never do anything to eliminate your peace.

If you do, you are in big trouble.

Now here’s another one where you know this person is not right for you.

10. The Other Person Does Not Express Sympathy For Your Situation

If he/she does not express any sympathy for you and anything that you are going through, this is a big red flag.

A romantic relationship in particular is supposed to be one with love and care for each other.

You both have feelings for each other that when combined can achieve great things that you both wouldn’t achieve otherwise.

If one of you can’t understand what the other person is going through, that is not a team.

That’s a war brewing up in the kitchen with both sides loading up their weapons ready to go to war.

To prove this, let me let you in on a powerful psychological phenomenon that puts all of this into perspective.

It’s called the law of reciprocation and it says that for anything you do to another person, you are to receive at least an equal behavior directed towards you.

For example, let’s say that you express a genuine act of kindness to someone like complementing them for who they are as a person and not their looks.

What will happen is the person receiving the act of kindness will feel “obligated” to get equal with you.

Therefore, they will express an act of kindness back in return.

This gets you both back to being equal in this relationship and not having any adversity against each other.

If this trend continues with the relationship, it will be a relationship of pure kindness and the two people will get along fine.

In reality, the law of reciprocation is supported by Newton’s 3^rd Law of Motion, which says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction that cancels the initial reaction’s effect out.

Additionally, each party can do what I’d like to call “overpay” in that they do more than what’s expected of them and as a result, each side will want to give back to the other so much that they become this closely knit bond that has the potential to become unbreakable.

Hence, the phrase “I am indebted to you sir. I can’t thank you enough for everything.”

Now, the problem comes in when one of you is doing all of the work, but the other person is not reciprocating.

In this instance, the person giving their all is feeling unappreciated and therefore, tension builds between the two individuals and can erupt in a fight and eventually, a breakup.

In the case of sympathy, let’s say that you are in the hospital for cancer and you are in grave pain (please, let’s hope this isn’t you).

You expect your significant other to come see you.

However, they don’t.

You find out in the emergency room that they are out in the nightclub dancing with other guys/women when they should be with you and taking care of you.

This obviously leaves you extremely disappointed.

Thankfully, you beat cancer’s ass and you go home safely.

You go home and you find your partner there, but does not ask how you are feeling.

That is sickening.

What would you do in this instance?

You’d honestly wouldn’t want this person in your life anymore.

And that is what happens when someone does not express sympathy towards your situation.

When this happens, you must be in the position to leave the relationship or you are headed for trouble.

Like I mentioned earlier, people can trick you into being in a relationship where they can do what they want and get no consequences as a result.

This is a one-sided relationship and when it’s immediately identified, you must get out of it ASAP.

In other words, when your partner is in the position where they can get away from being sympathetic and having responsibility in the relationship, they become your boss and you become their employee.

It shouldn’t be this way.

It must be a two-way street with exceptional teamwork and communication that allows everyone to be on the same page, have responsibilities and each person benefitting as a result.

Otherwise, you are better off staying single.

Now here’s the one where if you have simply saying “I’ve done everything possible; I can’t take this person anymore,” you’ll have your answer right now:

11. You’ve Tried Everything Possible To Make It Work

If you have done everything possible and you have really considered all of the things you can do to fix the relationship, get the heck out of it as soon as possible.

You don’t want to deal with a mess of a person for nothing.

If anything, he/she should be paying you money for literally stealing your time and doing nothing to compensate you or provide you any value whatsoever!

If you don’t get rid of this person, you will eventually fall victim to “Reality TV Show Syndrome,” whose side effects include constant arguing, constant gossiping. Constant confusion and ridicule from the TV Analysts known as your surroundings (even though you shouldn’t care about what they think).

Your time is money and you MUST put it to excellent use if you are to get anything worthwhile in this world of survival of the fittest.

If not, you will become incredibly disappointed with your results in life and it will be gut wrenching to have seen life taken out of you.

Now let’s look at the situation where your partner isn’t the problem, but there might be something inside of you that is causing the issues in the relationship.

Let’s say that you are in a relationship with this guy/girl and he/she is actually doing their part in the relationship.

They are taking care of their responsibilities and they are genuinely interested in you as a person and not just for your looks.

They don’t mislead you and they are not out to steal the life out of you like a lot of people.

However, there is one problem:

12. You Don’t Have Your Heart Into the Relationship

Your heart is not into it.

You just don’t feel the passion for them even though he/she is not a bad person at all.

In this case, the relationship is unproductive and you should walk away.

Let me explain.

The passion that you put into what you do will show and it will reflect the quality of work that you do.

If you don’t have a passion for them, which is a must for any successful romantic relationship, how should they have a passion for you?

In other words, if you are not sold on loving them, how should they be sold on loving you?

Maybe your partner can do a better job of selling him or herself as a person and hitting your emotional hard buttons and tapping into your interests.

But neglecting that for this discussion, there will eventually be a breakup and you are better off not wasting your partner’s time in a relationship where you know he or she will be disappointed.

And that is going to reflect poorly on you because if you continue this relationship, you will be viewed as someone who deceives others and you might lose trust of not just your partner, but of people who you could do business with.

It’s always better to be honest upfront instead of dragging something on forever without anything to show for it and being incredibly disappointed in the end.

You’ll at least gain your partner’s respect and you will earn your own respect since you were honest with yourself.

And as you will see in this post, this self-honesty translates into other relationships as well like friendships, professional relationships, relationships with clients/employers, etc.

So if this is you (and neglecting their ability to sell themselves as a person), the relationship is not a productive use if your time and you should move on.

Now here’s the thing that ruins most romantic relationships:

13. Your Values Don’t Align

In other words, each person’s vision in life is completely different from the other in terms of how one should approach life and the habits one person implements daily.

Note: The careers you both have/desire don’t need to be the same; it’s the approach to life that matters.

For instance, let’s say that you are in a relationship with another person and you want to save money and use it for some future endeavor like going to college, investing in a rental property, going on a trip, saving for emergencies, etc.

Your partner has a different views on money in that he/she wants to blow their paycheck on the latest gadget/toy and going into debt for it.

Clearly, this is a value problem and there will be rockiness in the relationship as a result.

On a side note, as for the money, they need to be self-sufficient at the minimum to even be considered. Anyone who is less shouldn’t be considered for a relationship since there will come a point where they could become dependent on you.

That’s a problem.

Anyway, anytime you see this value problem and it’s a violation of the agreement you both agreed upon to be in this relationship, you need to draw the line in the sand and say that you have had enough.

When this occurs, kick them out of your life.

They don’t deserve your time.

Let me give you another example to apply this topic outside of necessities and into the realm of personal interests.

Let’s say that you are an outdoorsy person and you like to hunt, sail and fly airplanes on the weekends and you and your partner go on the date to do your interests.

The first thing they do is complain about trying to sail a boat and they talk the whole trip about wanting to be in bed watching Netflix and that they hate trying new things.

Obviously, you know how this trip is going to go.

When this happens, throw him overboard (you wish, but it’s illegal).

Just kick him/her out of your life. That nonsense of whining and complaining and not being open minded about life is incredibly annoying and you don’t deserve that in your life.

And even if they aren’t this whiny bitch of a person, if both of you simply don’t click and each of your values are too different to be together, just let the relationship go.

It will cause more heartache for you and you won’t be happy.

In fact, let me tell you this fact:

Most romantic relationships fail because both partners do not have the same values.

That’s a fact.

Sure, there is no perfect relationship because two people are going to be completely different.

However, they can’t be too different.

Read that sentence again so it can sink in.

If you and your partner are too different, it’s time to pack it up and go.

Even if you do love that person, you should still leave them.

Yes, it’ll hurt and it’ll suck, but it needs to be done.

It’ll save you a lot of time, energy and money down the road.

Like we’ve already discussed, you will eventually develop yourself into something stronger and more powerful than you have ever dreamed of.

Of course, it might be difficult for you to get over this person immediately, in which case, I have written an entire section of this post devoted to this one issue titled “How to Get Over a Bad Relationship.”

I show you how you can get rid of this person from your mind with a simple technique I’ve used myself to get over certain people I needed to in order to focus better and get more things done and accomplished as a result.

So if this is you and you want to get rid of this person from your head ASAP, it’s the 2^nd to last section of this post and it’ll guide you through the one research backed technique you need to get rid of this person.

Go ahead and jump over there if you want to.

Revisiting the topic of control, we talked about the importance of being able to walk away from the romantic relationship at any time if you feel it’s best for you.

For this example, let’s say you are in a relationship with someone or you are thinking about entering a relationship with someone.

All of a sudden, the person starts throwing down conditions like you need to trim your hair to be in the relationship, you need to get tattoos, you need to stop being a sports fan if you want to get into a relationship with them, you need to let them wake you up at 3 am in the morning for every little request, etc.

These are concessions that are meant to give them complete control of the relationship and mold you into who they are instead of letting you be who you are.

This isn’t good.

It’s the setup for this next reason to leave a relationship:

14. It Feels Like a Reality TV Show (AKA: “Reality TV Show Syndrome”)

When this happens, walk away.

Don’t even engage with that person ever again.

They are the epitome of toxic.

They’ll make you a ghost faster than you can say “Holy crap.”

Now here’s one that might be making your head cringe as we speak, but needs to be addressed:

15. Your Partner Is Overly Defensive

If your situation involves someone being overly defensive about something, this is bad.

The reason is it blocks out communication in the relationship and it creates a lot of confusion as to what’s going on.

For instance, let’s say that you ask your partner how their day was and they immediately say “I can’t talk about that right now.”

When this happens, you will get confused as to why they can’t answer the question.

Most likely, it’s because this person is hiding something that they do not want to share with you. This information could be about an affair they are having with someone or maybe they are just genuinely busy with work.

In some cases, it could actually be a reaction to you shutting them out when they tried to communicate something to you and/or a fear that because you are in control in the relationship, you could do something to harm them like cut off their living expenses for instance.

In that case, you must look from within and see how you can be more open to this person and assist him/her in what he/she needs to get done.

This is a fixable problem assuming your values align with each other and there is a clear understanding of each person’s thoughts on the matter. Otherwise, “Reality TV Show Syndrome” is on the way.

Assuming you are not the person causing the damage, they are doing something suspicious. 100%.

As a result, you must do anything in your power to end the relationship ASAP.

Otherwise, you will become incredibly disappointed with the result that occurs.

16. They Blame You For Everything

This is them being a narcissist and a selfish buffoon.

A sign of a great leader is one who acknowledges their mistakes and makes an effort to correct them.

THIS is someone whom you can consider trusting.

However, not looking from within and automatically pushing the blame to someone else is a defense mechanism that although it’s naturally engrained in us, it is something that everyone must overcome to become a truly happy person.

If not, it’s a red flag.

They won’t be happy and that toxic frustration will spread to you.

It’s a sign that you need to kick them out of your life if they are not willing to work on themselves.

You don’t deserve blame for something they did wrong, regardless of what anyone tells you otherwise.

And here’s another one that is extremely annoying.

17. They Show No Interest In Your Life At All

You try to talk to the person and all they talk about is themselves without any consideration as to what you want to say and what you enjoy.

And while you are talking to this person, you have this “Oh my god, can I get this guy/girl out of here? What about me?!”

If you are thinking this way and this is the situation occurring, you’re right to think this way.

In sales, this action violates what’s called harmonizing with the customer and what harmonizing means is talking in terms of the other person’s interests in order to influence them to buy your product.

In short, your date in this situation needs to go to sales school and sharpen up on how to influence you to become his or her boy/girlfriend.

Obviously, they can change this about them, but unless they have a condition called autism where it happens to be natural to do this and is actually not reflective of the person, stay away from this person.

They are not changing themselves for the better.

You are better off spending your time with someone who has a genuine interest in you because they are open-minded individuals constantly learning about the world and is more likely to be someone constantly improving him or herself.

Ok, here is the one which is a time sucker and is arguably the most common complaint of all women towards guys who are trying to get them:

18. The Person Is TOO NEEDY

Let me explain what this is.

Neediness is when the person you are dating seeks to depend on you for some sort of happiness.

This could be emotional, financial, spiritual, get in your pants syndrome, etc.

If you were to accept this person to be your significant other, your will have to spend a significant amount of time attending to this person that could be spent doing things that will provides way more benefits for your time like going on trips, learning about money, upgrading your skills, etc.

Basically, when someone is needy, they take away from your potential.

If you are a guy reading this, this is why women do not want to date needy men.

Needy men cost way too much time than the benefits they are offering.

Now, on the flip side, someone who has great social standing and has plenty of cash to throw around and has a large amount of people wanting to be with him/her, for the partner of this person, there are more benefits than costs (in some cases, not all) because they are going with someone who is established and who can provide protection for them and can enhance their life with new experiences somehow.

This is why women gravitate towards men who are on the high end of the social pole.

In short, attracting men and women alike is a business where money (although very important in this transaction) is not the only thing that matters.

And once you understand this point, you will know faster than an eye blink that you can walk away from most people and it won’t even hurt one bit.

It will hurt them because they did not succeed in their effort to rip you off of your time.

Let them know that they have to pay their dues first before earning your time.

And that’ll scare them away fast.

You’re welcome.

Now let’s examine the situation of “talk is cheap.”

19. Your Partner Does A lot Of Talking With Nothing To Show For It

In this case, they are leading you down the yellow brick road where the reward is nothing.

They simply want to say pretty things to you just so they can get into your pants or just to trap you into their control scheme.

This is what’s known as “Politician’s Syndrome.”

Just like any horrible politician, they say things to appease the voters and then go to office and do nothing.

We have too many of those.

If you encounter any one of these people, just know that they are full of shit and they should be avoided for your own good.

They are the scums of the universe and may hell bring them what they deserve.

And here’s another thing you can do to make sure your partner or prospective date does not have “Politician’s Syndrome:”

If you know anyone that they are acquainted with, talk to them about them and see if what they tell you is different from what your partner told you.

Also try checking their social media and any other accessible information to see if you find anything suspicious about them.

If you find anything suspicious or anything that contradicts what they told you, you must dump this person ASAP.

They will lead you down a road that looks pretty, but crumbles like quicksand down to the ground.

Save yourself from this.

Find those that walk the walk (more details later in this post, so read on for this; you don’t want to miss it) and scratch off those who just talk all day.

Taking action is a whole lot sexier than just talking.

Now here is one where if you are experiencing this, I am so sorry for you and just know that the other person is absolutely pathetic:

20. The Other Person Doesn’t Value You For Who You Are As A Person

This is the big fat red flag waving up because they want you to change for them instead of encouraging you to be who you are and to only change yourself if it helps you improve yourself in what you want to be.

I’ll give you an example of this to prove my point.

Let’s say that you want to be a singer in Hollywood and you are super committed to becoming a Platinum record selling artist and doing whatever it takes to get there.

However your partner says that you should become a doctor because it is the “right thing to do” and that you must follow the way he wants it in order to get him in a relationship.

This guy or gal is someone you want to dump fast.

Changing yourself this way is like going on a diet where you are eating foods that make you puke and make you uncomfortably hungry and as a result, your results worsen.

Changing yourself for this date is the same way.

You are sacrificing your dream for something that you honestly don’t want to do and as a result, the quality of your work suffers and you go into a lot of debt (for medical school) and your life literally goes down the drain.

That is what dating this person will do to you.

It will take away all of that passion and eliminate any hope for your life.

In fact, if you do this, you will increase your chances for suicide.

Take a look at this article here for verification.

That’s right, 42% of suicides stem from relationship problems, not money nor mental disabilities.

Very counterintuitive, but true.

So take care of yourself FIRST and then once that control is established, seek relationships where your downside is protected.

And remember this, protect the downside and the upside will take care of itself.

Sit on it for a moment and it’ll make a lot of sense to you.

One thing that people always overlook is the value of consistency.

After all, consistent daily action combined with the correct specific knowledge and players wins championships.

Consistent people are the ones who win.

Everybody might say that they are genius or brilliant, but the truth is that it comes down to being consistent to what you do.

Like the saying goes, you are what you repeatedly do.

When it comes to someone with bad habits, it’s the trend for winning the championship of mediocrity.

If they consistently show up late, they will consistently lose respect.

If they consistently have a habit of not communicating when they need to, it will become a problem.

If they consistently don’t do their homework, they will consistently fail their exams.

This is the same thing in relationships.

If you see someone who has a consistent bad habit, you know darn well that this is going to lead to a bumpy ride with a lot of unnecessary twists and turns.

Why?

Because both of you will not be on the same page.

This is a recipe for disaster and confusion.

If you see any bad habits and are not willing to help them get over that bad habits (I don’t blame you if you don’t want to help them fix it), get rid of them or don’t consider them for a relationship if you are looking into them.

You will only rob yourself of your time and money and you will miss out on life for nothing.

You don’t want that.

Also note if these habits occur as of late.

This is the thing about life in general:

Everything is an as of late industry.

The past is easily forgotten if the person has a string of bad decisions that they have made.

So if you see someone making questionable decisions recently when they haven’t been doing that before (and even if they’ve been doing it before), you should first do everything you can to assist them somehow. Try to understand what their problem is and how solving this problem can fix this relationship for both of your benefits.

If not, walk away.

You’ll be glad that you did.

Now here’s the deadliest one of them all:

21. The Relationship Having No Boundaries

Let me give you 2 extreme examples to prove my point.

This is the story of the 2019-2020 Los Angeles Clippers, arguably the most frustrating sports team ever, not just basketball.

In the 2019 NBA Free Agency Period, the Clippers brought in one of the most talented basketball players in the world in Kawhi Leonard and Paul George, a 5 time All NBA and 4 time All NBA Defensive Team player.

Even though the Clippers traded 5 1^st round picks and 2 really good players for Paul George alone along with giving Kawhi Leonard a max contract, they were still viewed as the best team in the NBA and the betting favorite to win the NBA Championship.

Every analyst in the world pegged the Clippers as an unstoppable team that would barely lose to anybody, even though they hadn’t played a game with each other yet.

At the start of training camp, things unraveled pretty quickly.

For starters, Kawhi Leonard was allowed to arrive late to all practices, be late for team flights and skip games when he wanted to.

Paul George was also given preferential treatment from head coach Doc Rivers (or should I say Glenn Rivers because Doc isn’t appropriate for this man as you’ll see).

Head Coach Doc (it should be Glenn) Rivers gave Paul George special treatment throughout the season, even though Paul George cheated on his daughter.

As you can imagine, the rest of the players on the team were disappointed in this and truly wanted better. They felt that practices weren’t as hard as they should be and they felt that there was no leadership on the team.

Tension brewed up in the locker room and as a result, it reflected in their play on the court.

They played lazy, unmotivated, disenchanted and downright underwhelming.

But this wasn’t the most frustrating part.

They go into the 2^nd round of the playoffs and they are up 3 games to 1 in a best of 7 series against the Denver Nuggets, who were the complete opposite of the Clippers.

The Clippers had double digit leads in games 5 and 6 with golden opportunities to close out the series.

As you probably predicted already, this did not happen.

They blew both leads and lost both games.

The series is now tied 3-3 with the win or go home situation for both teams.

In Game 7, the Nuggets absolutely CRUSHED the Clippers to the point where they held both Kawhi Leonard and Paul George to 0 points combined in the 4^th quarter.

Giving credit to the Nuggets for keeping their heads held up high the whole time, this was the biggest choke job in NBA History.

I had never seen anything like this.

And then came the most embarrassing part.

Paul George had the audacity to make a speech in front of his teammates, after he had done absolutely nothing to help them win the series, to tell them to come back and return and compete for a championship next season.

Every person not named Kawhi Leonard and Doc Rivers rolled their eyes and walked out of the room without ever wanting to be in Paul George’s sight.

Right after the season, Doc Rivers got fired and at least one of the most important players left the team to join the other side, LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers.

This was arguably the best case of “Reality TV Show Syndrome” that I can find.

Although it’s not a romantic relationship, the Clippers demonstrate a whole lot about what can happens if you and your partner do not set boundaries in the relationship and at least one person is receiving unfair treatment.

This is ineffective leadership at its finest and this should never happen in any relationship ever, especially a romantic relationship where it is supposed to be a team of people striving to achieve a common goal.

You can see more of what happened here if you wish.

Now let me show you what happens when boundaries are set and enforced and everyone is treated fairly:

There was a movie made with Samuel Jackson called Coach Carter, a real life coach who held his entire team accountable when they didn’t perform well in the classroom even though they were undefeated.

Coach Carter was actually brought in because in the previous season, the team had 4 wins and 22 losses.

This is an abysmal record.

Coach Carter had to straighten this team out.

And oh boy he did.

In the very first meeting with the team, he gave each member of the team a contract to sign in order to be on it.

A few members refused to sign the contract and hence were not on the team, but one particular member was super defiant that Coach Carter had to set him straight on the spot.

Watch this scene here and you’ll see what I mean:

As you can see, the moment Timo Cruz was kicked out of the gym, the whole team knew who the boss was pretty quickly.

By the way, this is how you need to be with anyone who is not willing to do their part in the relationship.

Now, the team then won a tournament and were undefeated.

However, the whole team decided to go out to a party, leaving Coach Carter wondering where the entire team went.

Think of it as something suspicious going on with your partner.

And then, almost the entire team did not fulfill the academic requirement of their contract, leaving Coach Carter no choice but to bench his entire team and forfeit certain games, causing all kinds of media ruckus (unintended of course).

You can see that scene below.

Eventually, the team got their act together and Coach Carter allowed them to play again.

They reached the state championship only to come really close to winning it all after having been 4-22 the previous season.

Now why did the team get so close to winning the championship?

Because Coach Carter set the standards and stuck with them and he treated each and every player fairly.

Notice a difference between Coach Carter and the Clippers?

These are role models for good and bad relationships respectively.

Coach Carter is the example for you to follow if you want a good relationship and the Clippers are the model for bad relationships and their drama, not to mention the dreaded “Reality TV Show Syndrome.”

Pick wisely.

Now, you might believe already that this is a REALLY long blog post.

If you said that, you are right. It is.

However, if you keep reading, you will know all of the details of identifying a great relationship along with the trick you need to do to get someone you’ve been constantly thinking about off of your mind.

And if you are in another type of relationship like a friendship, a business partnership, a professional relationship with clients and employers alike or even your own family, these next few sections will be particularly useful to you since they’ll clarify any doubts you might have regarding whether or not these relationships are worth staying in.

Read on for more.

When To Walk Away From a Friendship

1. There is inappropriate sexual contact.

This is the big red flag at the beach waving when there are sharks in the water.

The next big red flag:

2. Your friend does not keep his or her promises, also known as “Pinocchio Syndrome”

Let’s be honest, friendships should not have any deception.

If there is any deception, this is the telltale sign of needing to get out ASAP.

A friend who tries to deceive you is what’s known as an undercover agent trying to set you up to fail and gain reward for himself or someone whom he or she is serving.

Only someone who wants to take something from you without providing value would do such a thing.

Stay away from this person the very first time you see this occurring.

3. You Are Not Being Treated The Way You Want To Be Treated

Obviously, this one feels extremely disappointing once you encounter it.

There is a potential workaround to this if you ask your friend whether or not you are doing enough to provide value in the relationship or if you are not fully appreciating what they have been doing for you.

If these are the scenarios, work it out with your friend.

If they are the problem, address your concerns and see if you can work it out with them.

If not, it’s time to walk away.

Your thoughts are being marginalized and this is not a good trait of any successful friendship.

If they are not willing to correct any behavior counterproductive to the relationship, it won’t be worth your time.

Remember, time is money.

4. The Friendship Becomes a Chore

Now, just like romantic relationships, a friendship should not be a chore.

The exception to this is those involving business, where you need them in order to grow your business.

But for relationship where they don’t grow your business and they are there for recreational purposes, evaluate if you actually want to be around this person.

If not, let them go and move on with your life.

5. Communication Dies Down, Things Become Awkward

Any productive relationship is one with consistent communication and friendships are no exception.

With friendships (and any relationship), you need to be the one who initiates the communication.

The reason is because if you depend on the other person doing the heavy lifting of initiating communication, you risk forgetting about that person and that person will not remember who you are and you will most likely lose rapport with that person and would need to develop that rapport again.

Also, most people are so busy during the day that they barely remember you.

This is like following up in the real world where if you have a potential client or employer you are targeting, you need to message them on a consistent basis so they remember who you are and what you offer.

It’s the same thing here.

Now, the problem comes in if they are not responding to your messages.

If this isn’t business and they just aren’t responding, just move on to other people.

Chances are, this person is not worth your time.

So don’t even bother in this scenario and go meet some new awesome people that ARE worth your time. There are plenty of fish in the sea!

The next one is perhaps the most disgraceful one of them all:

6. They Abuse You In Any Way Whatsoever

Drop them immediately.

Do not engage with them if you don’t have to.

This is a category 5 hurricane coming to your city and it is time to evacuate.

No joke.

Get out.

Now, friends are supposed to trust each other.

What happens if you can’t?

Get out.

Do everything you can to avoid your home getting ripped to shreds from someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

7. Trust Is The Number 1 Ingredient Towards Having A Successful Relationship

If you don’t have this in any relationship, you will become incredibly disappointed.

Here’s another one that might be bugging you out as we speak:

8. They Don’t Value Your Opinion/You

Ok, friends are supposed to value each other for who they are and what they bring to the friendship.

If they don’t value you, this is an insult.

Any person who wants to become your friend must value you as an individual and not as another person to take advantage of.

If not, your thoughts are being marginalized.

This is a fine example of “Reality TV Show Syndrome” creeping up your throat.

These toxic people are like viruses that are spreading in the air and if you fall for them, you will get sick.

Don’t get sick.

9. They Can’t Be Needy

They must value you for what you need to do in life and they can’t bombard you every single moment of the day getting you to attend to their needs.

Just like with needy people in romantic relationships, needy people in friendships are a recipe for disaster as well.

If you see any one of these people, get away very fast.

You must show them by example that they need to pay their dues first before demanding anything from you.

It can go like this:

Let’s say that you have a career that you are committed to and your “friend” wants you to come to his house to cook his food.

This clearly does not give you a good return on your time.

In this situation, he wants you to sacrifice something that you have to do in order to help him.

He can’t ask for this.

You must draw the line in the sand and take care of yourself first before attending to other peoples’ needs if they are not paying you for your services.

This is establishing boundaries at its finest.

Don’t neglect this point one bit or it will bite you in the butt pretty badly.

Neediness is a no no.

It will drain your time and energy for no return.

Don’t tolerate it like Doc Rivers.

Be Coach Carter.

Let them know who’s the boss.

Now what if you are in the situation where they are backing out of activities the last minute?

Give them the boot.

There’s no excuse for this.

10. Backing Out At The Last Minute

Backing out at the last minute is like trying to get someone excited for the big event only for it not to happen.

Please don’t stand for this.

It isn’t a friendship; it’s a robbery and a case of “Politician’s Syndrome.”

Please avoid this.

11. They Rely On You For Their Self-Esteem

You might also wonder what to do if the person needs to rely on you for their self-esteem.

Here’s what you do:

Show them the way out of your house.

They have no business in your life if they can’t take care of themselves.

12. Your Gut Tells You It’s Time To Go

Also, like romantic relationships, you might get an intuitive feeling about something that you know is right when you think about it deep down.

When this feeling comes, go with it.

That’s your gut telling you that it’s time to let this friendship go and pursue other things that will serve you better in life.

Go with it; you won’t regret it one bit.

All right, this next one is a classic case of “Reality TV Show Syndrome.”

13. He / She Throws You Under the Bus For No Reason

It’s the situation where your friend throws you under the bus for something you did not do wrong.

This is common when the friend committed the fault and they want to blame you in order to fulfill some kind of insecurity that they have.

This is a defense mechanism.

Just know that it’s them who has to look inward and not you.

Simply back the car out of the driveway and leave the place before it REALLY gets out of hand.

And if you don’t get out of the driveway fast enough, this next problem can happen (if it is already, pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you).

14. Too Much Arguing

All right, this one is a lot better for a bunch of women on TV fighting over makeup.

Listen, the number 1 rule of any conversation with people is to avoid arguing or complaining.

It only leads to more toxicity and distractions.

Sure, it might be unavoidable in a romantic relationship where they are normal, but in a friendship, this shouldn’t happen.

Friends should always resolve disagreements in a diplomatic manner, not an argumentative one.

Otherwise, it’s going to create too many headaches in your life that you don’t need.

So get rid of anyone in a friendship who argues with you.

Here’s one which is a non-negotiable for friendships that if violated, will cause MAJOR problems.

15. You Can’t Be Yourself

If your friend does not allow you to be yourself, it’s not a friendship; it’s a job.

A friendship should not be a job.

A friendship is supposed to be something where all of the people involved can appreciate each and every person for who they are and use it to provide value to everyone in the group.

If you can’t do this, these are people who you should not be friends with.

They will stress you out if they haven’t already and if you try to talk to them, you will only have weird conversations with them, which you definitely don’t want.

That’s why you are better off passing on this and finding people with whom you share common interests with to better your chances of having productive and meaningful friendships.

This is a surefire way to receiving better opportunities in life and making the most out of your life.

You can read research about the topic here if you wish.

Remember, make the first move because people are busy, so create life around you instead of relying on others doing things for you.

Now here is another obvious one:

16. They Don’t Add Value To Your Life

Remember, every person has to do their part and you all need to be consistent with it.

Don’t slack off and, if there aren’t any bad apples, you should have little to no problems with friends.

And this one is the most disappointing one of them all:

17. They Are Not There When You Are In Trouble

If they don’t even respond to a voicemail you leave them to provide you support when you are in trouble, walk away from them.

You don’t deserve a friend who’s not willing to be a friend.

That is someone who really has an issue.

If you are a friend, you offer any support you can when another friend is in trouble.

Otherwise, you are not someone who keeps your word.

You are someone not worth trusting.

Does that sound like a friend or does that sound like a con man/ con woman?

I thought so.

Notice the con man/ con woman when you see him/her and get them out ASAP!

In short, keep your friends close, but pay attention to what they are doing.

They might have their fingers crossed behind their back.

When To Walk Away From Family Members

Let’s be honest.

Family for the most part is a good thing.

They care for you, they are there when you are down, they want to see you do well and they want to make sure that you have everything you need to succeed.

However, there are many instances where it’s just not healthy to have them around.

This section will discuss these things in detail and help you avoid family members that will take away more than they give.

After all, relationships are a business in disguise and you can’t give everyone a free pass.

Without further ado, if you fall into any of these scenarios, it’s time to bite the bullet and get rid of that bad family member for good:

1. They Add No Value To Your Life

You only live once.

Every moment must count.

Even if they are your family, if they don’t contribute to helping you live the life you want to live, they simply don’t belong in it.

You must surround yourself with people who have what you want and who share common values and ideals with you.

A lot of times, family members assume that because you are in the family, they have the right to see you and that they can just come into your zone without going through the inspection.

You need to set this boundary and it is your responsibility to treat everyone equally.

If they don’t comply with this, they should not be on your team.

They have to know that it’s You Inc. and that they are an entity competing for your business.

It is how it should work in any relationship with your boundaries strictly enforced with ZERO exceptions.

Once you realize this, you will not lose time unnecessarily to those who are not going to deliver the goods in exchange for what you are investing.

You want to make the most of your life, not give it away to those who want a free pass.

Choose who you let in wisely, even if they are family.

2. You Are Not Happy Around Them

If you don’t need to be around this person and he/she just makes you miserable, it’s time to pack it up.

Why would you want to waste your life with someone who doesn’t fulfill you?

Family or not, anyone who is not a business related contact must make you happy in some capacity in order for them to stay.

Period.

There is no point in losing your happiness for nothing.

Now here is one where is it disappointing at best:

3. Your Concerns Aren’t Being Heard

Any family member should be open to hearing about any issues going on.

This, like in any other relationship, is important for keeping it stable.

If your concerns aren’t being heard, it’s a problem and you must seek outside help with this be it a friend, a romantic partner, maybe a colleague you trust or a therapist who is specialized to assist people with this type of issue.

Particularly if they are important family members like your mother and father.

If your concerns cannot be heard by any member of the family, they are NOT family.

They are enemies.

A family is a group of people (biologically related or not) that support each other no matter what.

Plain and simple.

If they don’t support you, they are not your family.

Also plain and simple.

4. You’ve Got Business To Take Care Of

Now this is no offense to your family, but if they aren’t paying you and you need money, they shouldn’t be your priority.

If you are broke, your employer/clients/customers should be your priority.

Why?

Because your customers are the people who are making your life possible.

They pay for all of the things that you have.

A lot of those things are things that you need.

If your family aren’t providing the things that you need, why should they be first on the list?

Let me paint you a picture here to prove my point.

Let’s say that your mother needs help moving out of her house.

Let’s also say that you are short on rent for the month and you need to make money within the next 3 days or you will not be able to pay rent.

Your mother is not going to pay you for that job.

However, someone will pay you to do another job and if you spend enough time doing that job, you will pay the rent.

You want to spend time with your mom, but doing so costs time that you could put towards earning the money you need to pay rent.

And this could be a threat towards you not paying the rent.

Let me ask you, would you go help your mom in this situation?

You might say yes, but the answer should be no.

Let me explain.

Your mother is robbing you of your time (not intentionally of course).

In other words, she is robbing you of the opportunity of earning what you need in order to survive.

And if you do help your mom, there will be less time available for you to earn the money you need to pay the rent.

Does that sound appetizing to you?

I hope not.

This proves that when you need to make dough, you will have to fly out of the bird’s nest and do what YOU need to do to survive.

Unless your family member is a paying customer or there is some contract involved, don’t think that you have an obligation to them.

This “obligation” is an assumed obligation because they are a family member.

This is technically an assumed constraint where it’s an abstract obligation that you make up and doesn’t exist.

I advise you to let it go in this situation.

You are second only to the customer.

Your family is not above you.

If I sound harsh here, try it out and you will see that I’m right.

It’s the tough love that you need.

5. The Family Member Disrespects Your Boundaries

No matter if they are a family member, a friend or a romantic partner, they must respect your limits and when they are crossed, you must take an action to get rid of them.

No person who crosses your boundaries can be tolerated.

If there is one exception though, it’s the business partner in the case where you need to follow their rules in order to earn money and there is no other way around the situation.

In this case, you don’t have the leverage to make the rules and hence you must follow them to get out of your situation.

In that case, you’ll have to compromise to get what you need.

But aside from that, you can’t compromise.

You MUST enforce yourself. Do not settle.

6. Your Gut Tells You So

Like what has been discussed already, your gut will never lead you wrong.

If it’s time to cut the cord, it’s time to cut the cord.

Plain and simple.

7. You Are Stressful Around Them

This is no reason to be around a family member.

For the most part, these family members are NOT paying you.

If this is the case, you can cut them out of your life with no strings attached.

Remember, this is YOUR life and you need people around you who will not give more headaches than encouragement.

Headaches are for when you are sick and you have a fever, which you can actually avoid as much as possible with positive thinking. See research here for more.

Of course, the only exception to this is if they are paying for something that you need.

In this scenario, you have no choice but to deal with them until you buy your way out of the problem.

But if they aren’t your customers, throw them out.

Show them that you will not put up with their nonsense.

8. They Make You Feel Guilty About Everything

What the heck is a family member who does this?

Unless you are actually guilty for everything, why can’t they just look from within and understand what their mistakes were?

They’re narcissists; that’s why.

Even if these people are family, narcissists are some of the most toxic people on the planet.

They try to put the blame on everyone else and they try to take all of the credit.

They condescend everyone so that they get this sense of authority and self-worth that really isn’t there.

That’s bad.

Family or not, anyone who is a narcissist and only focuses on themselves are not true leaders.

They are dictators.

Dictators, at least in politics, have historically killed people just so they can have everything even if they didn’t earn it and even if the person they killed did nothing to deserve being killed.

And quite frankly, the person who actually did the work should be the person receiving at least a portion that this dictator is stealing because he or she earned it.

If it feels like this situation, run as fast as you can like the Gingerbread Man.

You have to get away from this ASAP.

Even if it’s your family member; you have no time for this you awesome badass boss 😉

Now, if you have a narcissist who happens to be your boss, that’s a different story.

Read on to see how to approach this situation.

9. They Are Manipulative

This is “Reality TV Show Syndrome at its finest.

They try to act like the nice person (aka: the worst romantic partner you can have) and then stab you behind your back and make it seem like it’s your fault.

This is a jerk at its finest.

Any great leader (and moral person for that matter) would never do this.

Sometimes, family members do this all because they are in your family and feel like they have permission to do this for that 1 reason.

Do whatever you need to do to get out of this situation.

It will only keep getting worse for you.

Stick around to know how to get out of this; there is a section called “How to Get Out of Each Type of Toxic Relationship” that specifically deals with this issue for each relationship type discussed in this post.

10. You Were Physically Abused

Run away now.

You’ll be glad that you did.

11. You’ve Had Enough

You don’t have to be around them if you don’t want to.

If you simply can’t stand to be around them, you need to do what is necessary to stay away from them.

It’s healthy for you to realize this fact and change your surroundings as much as possible.

It will bite you in the butt down the road if you keep them around for too long; it’s not a good feeling when that happens.

12. You Are Walking On Eggshells When You See Them

This should never be happening.

If it is, you must do what you need to do to get rid of this person from your life.

They are trying to take advantage of the fact that they are your family and are banking on the possibility that you won’t kick them out just because they are your family.

Let them know somehow that they will be treated like everyone else and they will not be given free passes just because they are your family.

YOU are the alpha of your life; don’t let anyone take that away from you.

This relationship shouldn’t be like a college final where the professor put things on the test that he/she said would not be going on the test.

It should be cooperative, supporting and understanding.

No backstabbing and name calling.

If you have to be mysterious to avoid trouble with them, this is something that you need to get out of ASAP.

And the last one is the most annoying one of them all:

13. There’s Just Too Much Drama

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

THE DRAMA!

Listen, you don’t have time for unnecessary drama.

It’s just going to add onto the stress and add onto your list of things you already have to deal with in life.

For you, life has probably given you a fair share of blows already from which you needed to learn from quick.

Imagine dealing with all of these blows AND having all of this nonsense coming your way.

No fun.

A family is supposed to be a family.

Not a big mess of people clashing with each other like people on a reality TV show.

It’s all about cohesiveness and working together and supporting each other no matter what.

If this isn’t possible, you have to get away.

And remember this, you can’t please everybody.

There are some people who won’t change for the better.

As for them, you must walk away.

Period.

As one wise man once said, unlearn what you have learned and you will let go of al of that mess.

When To Walk Away From Your Job

Office Politics.

It’s a common term and for good reason.

There is drama, there is backlash, there is manipulation, there is being undervalued, there is that cubicle, there is, ugh, the list goes on and on.

Unfortunately, since you are most likely getting paid to be there and you have no other source of income at the moment, you have to deal with this.

Now, you may intuitively know what the signs are to walk away from a job, but what other ones do you not know you might ask?

Or more specifically, you might be asking questions as to what to do when you need to walk away from a job for such and such reason.

I got you covered here awesome boss 😉

With that said, here are the reasons to walk away from a job:

1. You Have a New Job Lined Up Providing More Value

This has to be the number 1 reason to leave.

It’s perhaps the most obvious reason to leave.

You got a promotion at another company and they are providing more benefits than your present employer.

Why stay, right?

Well, here’s a story that might convince you otherwise.

My mother once got a job at another part of the government.

It involved a pay raise and her own office (yay for no more cubicle).

However, a dilemma developed.

Her bosses were doing some naughty behavior.

They were purposely giving my mother their own work to do (if I remember correctly) so that they could get away from work that wasn’t done and put the blame on my mother.

As a result, my mother would be responsible for completing their tasks even though those weren’t her tasks to complete and it was not part of her qualifications to complete their work.

Because of this, it would be set up to the point where she would be fired and without a job.

All for something that wasn’t her fault.

However, she had a backup.

In the government, there was a system in place where an employee who went to another department within the county can go back to the previous department they were employed in.

This was an insurance policy in case the employer was doing something suspicious that could have her without a job.

Lo and behold, that insurance policy was handy.

It turns out that the bosses doing the naughty behavior were setting her up to fail and she was forced to go back to her previous department.

Here’s the moral of the story:

This new job providing more benefits isn’t necessarily going to provide more benefits for you.

You must investigate this new job before taking it.

You have to protect your downside first before doing anything that can compromise your present situation.

In her case, the downside was the employer doing something to set her up to fail.

The protection was the policy to go back to the old job.

So this job that provides more value can’t just provide more benefits, you must assure yourself that you are not putting yourself in a situation where you have a boss screwing you over.

Perhaps talk to people who work at the employer offering you a new job or talk to those who deal with or have dealt with your prospective boss and get their take on what goes down in there.

You might be surprised by what you here.

Remember, smiling faces with hidden agendas.

2. You Know You Are Underpaid/Not Receiving Enough Benefits

Ok, being underpaid is not cool.

Plain and simple.

You have time that you value and you want to be fairly compensated for it and not treated like a slave.

Here, you need to do some homework before you can make this claim yourself.

First, assess what you are being paid. What are your benefits, what are you compensated for, etc. Perhaps make a list of this.

Next, you need to research the market and see what the rest of the market is paying for those with your skillsets.

It might be that you are not underpaid at all and that you need to upgrade your skills in order to become what you want to be worth (hint: employers and clients don’t give out free money).

However, if you’ve talked around and looked at the reports and you determine that you are worth more than what you are being paid, you need to make a move.

Somehow some way, you need to make sure that you put yourself in the situation where you are being paid what you are worth and not a penny less.

Any penny less and you are not making the most out of your life.

Make moves or make excuses.

If you have exhausted your network, you either need to expand it or you can hire a career coach who knows what he/she is doing and can guide you in what to do based on where you are now.

But make sure the world knows that you deserve fair treatment for what you bring to the table.

3. Too Much Drama

You know what to do with this one.

Do what you have to do to get out.

Specific advice here is on a situation by situation basis, but go with your gut on what to do. It’ll take you where you need to go.

4. You and Your Employers’ Values Don’t Match

Just like with romantic relationships, contrasting values can be a BIG problems when it comes to employer and employee relationship because both parties have different priorities.

And when this happens, conflict commences inside of your head.

Let me explain a famous example to show you what I mean.

In the NBA, there are superstars who control the league and what happens in the league.

Most of these superstars were drafted by teams that didn’t prioritize winning.

As a result, they would spend, on average, their first 6-7 seasons in the league with these teams before leaving those teams via trade or free agency.

Let me note specific examples for you.

LeBron James is arguably one of the top 2 players to play the game of basketball, second to Michael Jordan.

He spent 7 years with the Cleveland Cavaliers since being drafted in 2003.

The 2010 free agency period was on its way and he had been carrying all of the load for Cleveland ever since he was drafted.

All of the haters were going after him for not winning a title and for his brand and image, he had to win one.

He desperately tried to get star players to join him on the Cavaliers, but he was unsuccessful.

Hence, he had to look elsewhere to find the opportunity to win the title.

Eventually, he made the decision to join the Miami Heat.

He joined Miami because at the time, their values lined up. Both him and the Heat were committed to winning and they each were willing to make the necessary sacrifices to make it all work.

Did it work?

Yes.

Throughout the 4 years he was with the team, he won 2 championships and made 4 finals appearances.

Now the reason why he left was because the values of the team and the franchised differed.

LeBron wanted control of what the basketball team did and the Heat wanted to do the way they wanted to do things.

As you can see, a conflict emerged between the two and LeBron went back to Cleveland.

Now let me boil this down to the point where it applies to you.

Let’s say that you are someone who has been working at the company for a long time and you really feel like you want a promotion.

However, your boss for years keeps saying no and no and no and no.

Naturally, what are you going to do?

Look for places that know your value.

You find a place that values you and is willing to give you the promotion you desire.

What’s going to happen?

You are leaving (unless you negotiate with the current employer and the current employer agrees).

It’s just like LeBron:

You wanted something and you weren’t getting it, so you needed to go elsewhere to get that thing.

These examples prove one thing:

You and your employer’s values must line up for it to be a productive relationship.

If not, it’s going to crumble.

So be on the lookout for that in whatever capacity possible and take note of any value conflicts in a notebook that is organized and details everything that has happened.

Review it as often as possible to keep it all fresh.

5. You Have the Money To Leave

Why work for someone you don’t enjoy working for if you can buy your way out of the problem?

You saved money and invested your money for a reason.

You have options and you can control your own world at this point.

Don’t neglect that power if you have it.

6. You’re Not Being Challenged Anymore

If you are someone who strives for more, this could be an issue.

Testimonials say that when an employee feels under challenged at work, they get bored and their performance actually suffers!

This isn’t good for you.

Your next move should be to accept the place for what it is and do what must be done to transition to someplace more promising for you, be it networking with other professionals who can assist you or working with a career coach who knows what they are doing and can put you on the path you need to be on.

Don’t try to change something that is resistant to change.

Remember the boyfriend/girlfriend who didn’t want to change for the better?

Same thing here.

Don’t let them step over your boundaries and get rid of them from your life!

You deserve better!

7. The Company Is Failing

The sky is falling here!

If they are not willing to let someone who knows what they are doing and understands how to save the company take charge of the ship, it’s time to pack up and go.

You don’t want to work for an organization that doesn’t value saving itself.

Because if they can’t save themselves, why should you think that they’ll save you?

Fend for yourself at all times.

Number one rule of the streets:

Every man for himself.

8. Management Lies (Pinocchio Syndrome)

Oh, that nose is getting bigger and bigger by the minute!

If management lies, they aren’t even committed to themselves.

This is where it’s time to find a way out now before you are the next victim of “Reality TV Show Syndrome.”

Just know this:

Carefully evaluate what your manager is telling you and compare it with what you know is true about the matter.

For instance say you both had an email exchange about something.

Now you ask some follow up questions and he/she says the complete opposite of what they said.

Make note of those lies.

If you know that what the manager said is untrue, begin the process of getting out ASAP.

You’ll be glad you did.

9. Management Sets You Up To Fail

If you read the story of my mother, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

If you didn’t, it’s fine. I’ll explain what this means here.

Management will forgo doing any tasks that they don’t feel like doing.

They will find someone to put the blame on when something isn’t finished on time.

That person will be someone who is already burdened with work and they will add onto this work to make it such that the person can’t possibly complete the work.

This in turn creates a scenario where since management is in the position of power, they can direct the blame to whoever and use evidence that the person didn’t complete their “assignment” to prove their guilt to not completing the work.

This is a trap in a workplace, particularly in government where there is a lot of power abuse.

In this scenario, when your intuition senses something is wrong, you need to seek help immediately from someone you trust, be it a coworker (careful with this one since they could be working against you), a former colleague, someone in your network or a career coach.

This needs to be worked out as soon as possible to avoid the possibility of getting fired for something you didn’t do.

You can read about more set up to fail traps in the workplace here if you wish.

Be on the lookout for this to avoid a really miserable time.

10. You Aren’t Producing Quality Work

This is an issue.

You need to evaluate yourself and see why you aren’t producing the best work possible.

Is it your boss’ demands?

Is it that your heart isn’t into what you are doing?

Is it that you don’t understand what your customer wants?

It might not be as bad of a scenario as you think.

It could be you in this matter.

But let’s say that you have evaluated the situation and determined that your heart isn’t into what you are doing.

In this case, you should evaluate what you want out of life and chances are, you might need a career change.

What if you have a bad boss?

You should talk to a career coach, or your network in order to receive help for this situation.

What if it’s you not understanding what the customer wants?

You should ask for help in some shape or form, notably, read books about sales and business and ask the customers themselves what they want so you can figure out what’s wrong.

The bottom line is to always look from within and evaluate the situation.

You don’t want to cast blame on others for something you did wrong.

But if it really is because of something else, ask for help to evaluate the best course of action.

11. You Can’t Work On You (Your Personal Development)

This one could be a problem that you might or might not have control over.

The reason is because of overtime.

An employer might ask you to work overtime.

If you don’t have the financial flexibility to say no to that, I’m sorry, you are going to have to do it.

To resolve this, ask a career coach or a trusted colleague or your network for advice there. You might need a lawyer.

However, if you don’t need to do this, don’t.

You are only jeopardizing your health and your own growth.

You should find out how much you can afford NOT to work and set up your work schedule around that so you can fit in time for taking new courses, getting in shape, traveling to new places, meeting that one, etc.

If you can afford time for you, do so.

It’s for your own good.

12. Your Boss Just Flat Out Sucks

Ok, this one is the biggest complaint of all employees who quit their jobs.

You don’t like to work for a person you despise.

The short answer for you is to do everything in your power to get away from this goliath.

Save up money, start doing a side hustle, look for a new job, whatever.

FIND A WAY OUT STARTING NOW!

Don’t delay.

Get going on this.

Your health and sanity are on the line.

Also, people that have bad bosses tend to adopt bad habits to cope with stress.

Please don’t fall for this trap.

Stay the course with your routine if you have good habits and while you are at work, put your head down and get the job done.

Be Mr./Ms. “No Problem” and don’t argue.

Arguing will put you on the street in no time.

You can read more about what you can do to fix this issue here if you wish.

13. The Fire/Passion Isn’t There

Let’s face it, if you don’t have the attitude, aptitude and passion for what you are doing, you will not be the best.

Plain and simple.

You will be mediocre like everyone else and you will not thrive.

This isn’t the situation you want to put yourself in.

You need to put yourself in an environment (even if it’s where you work) where you are excited to put your energy to what you do.

You need to find a reason to get excited, not a reason to sit on the computer and play games the first chance you get.

This is the path to mediocrity and a sucky lifestyle at best.

You don’t want that.

You want an extraordinary lifestyle where you have choices and you can take over your own world!

THAT’S where you should strive to be.

So find what it is that excites you and go after it!

The world will reward you for it!

With any job, there is no one answer for when to stay or leave.

It’s really a case by case thing and you should use this checklist to evaluate your best course of action.

When To Walk Away From a Professional Relationship

Professional relationships are necessary.

They can make your career fly into another galaxy or send you below to Earth’s super hot core (aka: hell).

However, there are some professional relationships to avoid altogether because they will simply waste your time and will drain your energy completely.

If you want to know when the time is to move on from these kinds of relationships, read on to see what these reasons are.

1. They Add No Value To Your Life

This is simple.

Anyone who promises the world and does not deliver has “Politician’s Syndrome.”

An example of this might be someone who says they’ll do one thing, but they do another.

Another example is someone who says they’ll be on the phone at some time, but they don’t show up.

Clearly, these people are time wasters instead of time creators.

There is this idea called leverage where you earn as much as you can for the time that you put in.

Every person must fulfill this to some capacity (provided you fulfill it to their capacity) so it ensures that both sides benefit from the relationship instead of someone taking everything for him or herself and the other person.

Otherwise, there will be friction and everyone involved will feel uneasy and disappointed.

Provided that you are adding value to their life somehow, make sure they are returning the favor.

Otherwise, show them the door.

2. The Person Sucks

You know what this means.

The constant excuse maker, the constant whiner, the constant tardy person, the no show, etc.

They simply suck.

Deep down, you know what this person is.

Unless they are a boss you can’t get rid of at the moment, get rid of them ASAP.

And do whatever you need to in order to get rid of them.

Please.

For your own good.

3. Values Don’t Match Up

For any relationship, this is required.

Both of you (or all of you) need to be on the same page when it comes to where you want the relationship to go and all of you need to take consistent action towards accomplishing that goal.

Let me give you an example to illustrate my point.

Imagine if you are working somewhere and you are consistently putting in all of the work for a big project coming up and the rest of your coworkers are doing nothing and pleading to go home at their earliest convenience so they can binge watch Netflix as soon as they can.

You want a big promotion that can make you an executive at the company you are working at and your bosses promote the coworkers instead because they simply like them.

Obviously, you wouldn’t feel appreciated in this scenario.

What will you do?

You’ll go to a place that values you.

Why?

Because the company has different values from what you value.

That is something you need to get away from as soon as you can.

Otherwise, you are wasting your potential at a place that will not treat you the way you should.

You have to find another company to work at ASAP that has the same values as you and that will give you room to fulfill those values while the company receives value from you as well.

I’ll give you an example of this.

There’s a basketball player in the NBA by the name of Jimmy Butler.

He is arguably the most competitive, fiercest and ambitious basketball player in the world.

More so than LeBron.

I kid you not.

Let me explain.

Jimmy would play on these mediocre teams who did not give one cent towards winning a championship.

All his fellow players wanted to do was collect their paychecks and go home.

That’s it.

However, every time Jimmy was on their teams, they would instantly be in contention.

For instance, when he was traded to the Minnesota Timberwolves, one of the NBA’s worst franchises, he was tasked with carrying the team to the playoffs even though they had missed the playoffs for an extensive period of time.

In his first season and only season with the team, he got the team to the playoffs.

He requested a trade because the franchise simply did not value winning, whereas Jimmy Butler did.

A lot.

He was traded to the Philadelphia 76ers where the star level went up a notch.

In his first and only season with Philadelphia, he got the team to Game 7 of the 2^nd round of the playoffs, only to miss the Eastern Conference Finals because of Kawhi Leonard’s game winner at the 4^th quarter buzzer in Game 7.

After the season, he became a free agent (meaning a player who can sign with whomever he wants and does not have a contract) and he left the 76ers.

Why?

Because the 76ers had different values from Jimmy.

They didn’t allow Jimmy to hold others accountable.

However, Jimmy Butler found a franchise that was willing to allow him to hold others accountable and to surround him with a roster and management that was committed to doing what it takes to win championships at all costs.

That franchise is the Miami Heat.

And here’s where it gets remarkable.

In his first season with the team, Jimmy Butler got the Heat to the NBA Finals.

In addition to that, they were able to take the Los Angeles Lakers led by LeBron James and Anthony Davis to Game 6 of the championship series while losing 2 of their key players to injury.

How remarkable is that?!

There is no way that at this pace, the Heat will not win another championship.

Jimmy Butler and the Miami Heat will win at least 1 championship together.

Why is that?

Because their values match up.

When everyone is on the same page and everyone is committed to winning and everyone does their part to get the job done, there is no stopping this.

This will eventually create something dynastic and extremely powerful.

When you enter into a professional relationship, both parties (money aside of course) must be committed to achieving a common objective and there must be consistency in following the plan, adjusting the plan if necessary and each side must hold the other accountable.

Otherwise, you have the makings of a losing partnership.

I strongly encourage you to make sure that the partnership you have has these things because if not, there will be a problem.

And someone is going to want to leave.

4. They Disrespect You

The moment they do this, kick them out of your life like you are kicking a man’s balls.

Let them know how it feels to disrespect you.

Enough said.

5. You Don’t Trust Them

Trust amongst everyone is paramount.

That doesn’t need to be said.

It is the foundation for any kind of relationship, be it romantic, friendship, professional, etc.

You will feel in your intuition that the people you are dealing with are up to no good.

It will find its way to you somehow.

You should be on the lookout for this feeling because this is when it’s time to pull the plug and get rid of them.

The 6^th sense has its own ways of telling you what is good for you and what is bad.

Also, there might be times where you see that they said something and they do another.

Right then and there, kick them out.

You don’t want this little rascal lingering in your kitchen about to use kitchen equipment without knowing what they are doing.

Have you ever tried to eat raw steak?

It’s exactly like that.

They say that they’ll make this amazing 5 star highly rated steak when in reality, it’s a bunch of rubbish.

Yeah, don’t keep them around.

6. The Person Doesn’t Value You For What You Bring To The Table

This is when you know you have to look elsewhere.

You deliver $15 million worth of business and they are only paying you $50k?

What the heck is that?

A big underpayment.

Please, if you are in this position, seek assistance from someone in your network or an expert in your industry to address this accordingly to your situation.

You don’t want to be underpaid.

You want to be paid exactly what you are worth (or more) and never have any regrets.

7. They Have No Interest In You

There could be several reasons for this:

      1. You might not be providing enough value to them

      2. They are simply disinterested

If you ask them why they are not assisting you and they tell you that you are not giving them enough of something, that’s the issue.

To fix this, find out what they want and give it to them.

It’s just business, just like every relationship under the sun.

This is something that can be fixed with the right mindset about things.

What can’t be fixed is you doing anything to fulfill what they want and they simply don’t reciprocate attention to you.

If this is what’s happening, it’s time to call it quits with this person.

This person will simply not help you even if you help them.

If it’s a situation where you must deal with this person because it’s your job, please consult someone in your personal network, a career coach or someone who works in your company that you trust who can guide you through the specific situation.

You will need much more than this blog post to resolve this situation.

8. You Have To Walk On Eggshells To Approach Them

This is a bunch of baloney if you need to do this, but it is reality.

Like we’ve discussed previously in this post, everything is business.

In order to get the other person to want to pay attention to you, you must provide value to them in the form of talking in terms of what they are interested in and/or providing a solution to their problem.

Same thing here.

If you have to approach them, go in with this mindset and treat them with the utmost respect and with absolute professionalism because this person will cut your throat if you disrespect them and/or you waste their time.

Come in confident and knowing what you want to get out of it.

Now, if you can get away from this person, by all means don’t engage with this person just so you don’t start a fight.

You want to control your sanity at all times.

If you need additional assistance, please consult a coworker, a career coach or someone in your network who can provide additional advice regarding your specific situation.

9. There’s Too Much Drama

You already know what to do here if you can get out.

Get out if you can.

If you can’t, the best way to approach this is on a case by case basis.

There are a multitude of things you can do here like not participating in the arguments, talking in terms of the other person’s interests, throwing down a challenge, being genuinely interested in them, blaming yourself for the problem even if it you didn’t cause it, etc.

There is no one tactic that answers this question and you might need a multitude of these tactics to come up with the answers you are looking for.

That’s why I am going to full-heartedly recommend the all-time classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People” in this section.

It’s been used by many of the world’s most successful people to resolve disputes with others, win their peers over their ways of thinking and to get people to like them.

I personally used this book myself in order to get out of a potential altercation with a gentleman I had a car crash with.

It got him to go away quickly without any further altercation aside from him cursing me out and calling me the f word.

This was actually a situation where I deceived him to feel like he was in control of the situation when in reality, he wasn’t since I knew that if I let him do all of the talking and get him to play on his emotions, I could avoid a fight.

And so I did.

And the techniques in “How To Win Friends and Influence People” played a big role in me creating this scenario.

You can see more details of what happened here and you can buy the book here on Amazon if you wish.

Note: I am an affiliate for Amazon, so I will receive a commission off of your purchase. However, the price you pay will not change.

“Reality TV Show Syndrome” will always be present somewhere.

There’s no question about it.

The KEY is knowing when you are in it or when it could be happening and making the correct adjustments to adapt to the situation accordingly so it can work out in your favor.

If you do any additional advice on this matter, please consult a career coach, a coworker or someone in your network who you trust.

10. Your Boundaries Are Crossed

Walking away from this one is dependent on if you can or can’t do so.

If you rely on this person as your only source of income or as your primary source of income, I’m sorry to say that you are going to have to deal with it, provided what they are telling you to do is legal.

The customer is the real parent.

If they tell you to work overtime, you stop what you are doing and do it.

It’s just the nature of life.

Now, if you can do without them in your financial life, then you can walk away if they do this.

You don’t need someone who is draining your life.

You must do whatever you can to take time for yourself for personal development.

This personal development can be for growing your knowledge and skillsets, traveling, investing in something that’ll make you wealthy, etc.

Any time away from your personal development is a HUGE opportunity cost that will make you wonder “Did I just waste my entire life for someone who doesn’t give a hoot about me?”

And here’s another thing because we just mentioned it:

Whenever an employer or client says that they care about your personal development, that’s a lie.

They are only providing you tools to help you grow so they can keep you around.

If they didn’t have to do that to keep you around, they wouldn’t do that.

Employees leave companies like flies when they have leverage and their needs for personal development are not met.

In fact, employees leaving companies due to lack of advancement opportunities is second only to low pay as you can see in a Business Insider Article here.

So if the company is offering growth opportunities or educational opportunities, that is because they see more value in doing that than they would otherwise, not because they are being nice.

And also, if the company does underutilize your skills and doesn’t offer you room for growth and/or underpays you, they ARE crossing your boundaries and you have to do everything possible to get out of that situation ASAP.

You do not want to waste your life working for someone who pays you very little for what you provide to them.

That’s just flat out RIDICULOUS!

Do whatever networking is necessary to find the place that will value YOU and provide you what YOU need to build your career to where you want it to be.

Do that starting RIGHT NOW and not another minute more!

11. Any Unprofessional Criticism

This is unacceptable.

Plain and simple.

If you receive this, you need to consider going to an employment lawyer to explain your situation.

You might have a case against them.

If you can, find another job starting right now and do not engage with this person if you don’t need to.

Keep your mouth shut and don’t get emotional when you engage with the person who criticized you.

Make them feel like they are in charge.

12. You All Don’t Make A Great Team

Clearly, not making a great team is a big red flag.

This will definitely start up all kinds of symptoms associated with “Reality TV Show Syndrome.”

Obviously, the signs of this would be lack of communication, not everybody being on the same page, not everybody doing their tasks, not everybody being motivated to work, etc.

The good news is that some of these can be rectified with a sit down with everybody to see what the issue is with each person.

Depending on the situation, these issues could be rectified with some thoughtful discussion.

If everybody is honest and everyone knows what issues need to be rectified and how everyone will be held accountable for fixing themselves, this issue should be resolved over time.

However, a lot of times, even if there is a meeting to sort out these issues, people simply won’t put forth the effort to correct them.

And even if they are held accountable, they will still keep up with these problems.

When this happens, it’s time to cut the cord.

There is no resolving people.

People can only resolve themselves (if they have the balls and the guts to).

Do whatever you need to do to get rid of these people from your team and your life.

This toxicity cannot last any longer or they will send you 20000 leagues under the sea.

The awkwardness is far too much tension to be worth it.

13. They Lie To You

Lying to you is the last straw.

If they lie to you, you have to get rid of them.

Teammates/colleagues lying is unacceptable.

There is no place for lying on the team.

If they are your boss, you need to seek advice pertaining to your specific situation.

If they are not your boss, give them the boot right now.

They will continue ripping you off if you don’t.

14. Lack of Communication

This is one of the major reasons why any kind of relationship fails.

Little to no communication creates all types of confusion and everyone gets on pins and needles as to where they stand.

This creates tension and uncertainty, leading to the team breaking up.

Sometimes, it might be you who is not communicating enough.

If this is the case, you need to step it up or you will get chopped.

And rightfully so.

Also, you have to understand that it’s very likely that no one will do any communicating to get things going.

What does this mean?

You need to start the communications and keep them going on a consistent basis.

This will allow you to take control of the situation and hold them accountable if they do not pick up the slack.

Additionally, if you communicate often, your social value will go up and you will be viewed as the leader.

Hence, more people will listen to you more than anyone else since you are driving the show.

Another thing you can do to resolve this situation is to see if there can be a common ground for when there should be communication.

Chances are, the team will want to reach this and if you are the leader in this communication, you will set the tone and momentum will build up to complete all of your tasks.

Now, if they just don’t respond at all, handle this on a case by case basis.

If you can get rid of them, please do.

However, if you need to report this to a supervisor, describe the situation in great detail and adhere to any company policies.

Do not make the situation worse.

Only do what you need and what your gut says and you should navigate the situation relatively smooth.

Also, talk to other professionals who might be in a position to help you in this situation (career coach, network, other colleagues, etc.).

Please do not sit on this situation longer.

If you do, you will pay dearly and it will hurt you in the long run.

Guaranteed.

When To Walk Away From a Client

These people have a lot to ask out of you.

After all, you are taking their hard-earned money and performing a service in exchange.

But as with all clients, some might be more demanding than others.

Particularly, those who are so demanding that you question whether or not it’s worth serving them compared to what else you could be getting.

In this scenario, you definitely should be concerned as to whether or not serving them is the correct choice for you.

In this section, we will discuss 10 scenarios where walking away from a client is the correct decision for your sanity along with when you shouldn’t quit, but should evaluate the situation to see whether or not you can continue the relationship.

1. The Client Doesn’t Want To Do What’s Necessary

Some people simply don’t want to put in the work.

They just pay you with the expectation that you are going to do everything to save their butt.

In a lot of services, like being at the doctor’s office, that’s not the case.

Any patient must do what the doctor says in order to get the results they hope for.

A patient not following the doctor’s instructions should not be an indication of a doctor’s expertise (even though knowing how to handle people is a MUST in being a doctor and, according to the customer’s eyes, it does count in a doctor’s expertise).

Assuming you’ve used all of your people skills to the max and you have tried understanding things from their perspective and have sold how what you are recommending benefits them in getting what they want, you should consider cutting them loose, especially if you have a line of potential clients waiting to take their place.

It can give you less stress and a lot more meaning in your work in that you are working with clients who will actually do what you say and not whine about it.

Of course, this one should be evaluated on a case by case basis because you most likely can’t drop this client.

The best course of action in any of these client situations is to see outside assistance from a career coach, a mentor or someone who you trust in the industry you work in.

You shouldn’t make this decision alone.

2. Clients Produce Too Much Overhead In Time and Money Without Enough Benefits To Justify It

This can happen in many industries, but two in particular come to mind when seeing where this is an issue.

Let me explain this and how this applies to you.

In public construction projects, contractors bid on them in order to secure their work.

What happens is that the owner, the public agency, picks the lowest bid.

This could be an issue for the contractor who has to perform the job because they incur job overhead, which are expenses associated with performing a certain job.

A lot of times, these expenses can exceed the payment that they would be receiving from the job itself.

As a result, the contractor does not bid on the project.

This is a situation where the contractor “walks away” from a client.

Another industry where this can occur is in law.

Some lawyers work on a contingency fee basis, which is when the lawyer must produce a positive outcome for the client in order to get paid.

This means that while they are performing the work, they are incurring expenses.

Sometimes, these expenses go up to the point where the potential damages of the case do not add up enough to yield a positive return on time.

That is why certain law firms will deny your case even if it is a good one.

And even if they are paid in advance for the work, there is still a cost benefit analysis that they do to see if the reward is worth it.

In sports, agents that negotiate contracts with teams can turn down clients because they cause too much headache in return for the work and money they are receiving.

A recent example of this was based on arguably the best wide receiver in football in Antonio Brown.

If you didn’t know, Antonio Brown was accused multiple times of sexually abusing women and at one point, he was on a suicide watch.

Additionally, he was traded to the Oakland Raiders (now called the Las Vegas Raiders) where he had missed multiple practices and meetings and publicly demanding the team to release him.

The New England Patriots signed him just after he was released, only to release him after Week 2 of the regular season when the accusations came out.

As a result, his agent dropped him.

Why?

Because Brown was causing tumultuous stress on him and potentially lost revenue with anyone else he could be working with instead of Brown.

And how this applies to you is this:

Sometimes, a client might not be paying enough money, they might be costing you time that could be better spent elsewhere and they might be raising your stress levels to the point of a mental volcanic explosion like no one has ever seen before.

In this case, you should definitely seek appropriate counsel to rectify the situation.

Overpaying is a BIG NO NO today, considering that you only have one life and that every single penny and every single second MUST be spent wisely.

Not a single cent nor second wasted.

And this lends itself to reason 3, which is:

3. You Can Afford To

You have to pay to buy out of stress.

As the saying goes, freedom isn’t free.

However, if you don’t need the stress and rough ride associated with a bad client, do yourself a favor and just drop them.

If there is ample demand for your services, you’ll find a new client that’ll be much more pleasant to work with a serve than the old one.

The old one can use a lesson on how to treat people accordingly so they do not get denied help 🙂

4. They Don’t Pay You Enough

This one is obvious provided there is enough demand for your services to warrant this.

Having said that, if there isn’t enough demand for your services, you might need to skill up in order to receive the payment you seek.

Remember, you should get paid, but you shouldn’t be overpaid.

Consider speaking with an expert in the industry you work in and/or a mentor to evaluate the situation specific to you.

5. Ridiculous Demands

You are thinking “Get this person out of my life” when you see this one.

Sometimes, a client might ask for something in such a short period of time where you know it can’t be delivered in the amount of time they ask for it to be delivered.

To demonstrate, let’s say you are a chef and the customer orders a freshly homemade bowl of the most delicious, scrumptious and so mouth-watering Spaghetti and Meatballs, made from Grand Mama’s special recipe and fresh import from Italy ingredients straight from the heart.

However, the customer wants it absolutely perfect in 1 minute.

How do you think you will respond to that?

Exactly.

It’s ridiculous.

Of course, in the real world, most customers are understanding that something like great food will take much longer than 1 minute to cook up.

But to expect that? Come on.

That was just an example to paint a picture for you to see how something ridiculous could look like (and perhaps warm up your appetite), but look within your business to see if there is something similar.

If you want a clue, it might be when you think of a certain person and you say to yourself “I hate him.”

That’s probably the person with the ridiculous demand.

The moment you find this client/customer, do what you need to do to get rid of them.

You might need to get rid of them in a different way depending on who the customer/client is. Stick around because I go over exactly how you can get rid of these types of people in the next section of this post entitled “How to Get Out of Each Toxic Relationship.”

6. They Consume Your Entire Life

What is life if it is surrounded by an imbecile who only wants everything for himself without considering what you want in exchange for that?

Seriously, if you have this conceited individual who tries to interfere with your life just because he or she paid for something you happen to provide, please do not engage with this person if you don’t need to.

It will take away from other areas of your life that are important and if you let this person take away all of the other things from your life, it will backfire dearly at the end.

As a general rule of thumb, if someone clings to you for dear life every second of the way (like that client who keeps texting you all too often even when it’s not necessary), please give this client the pink slip and tell him or her to pack their things and go.

It will serve you well and improve your well-being.

7. They Want Immediate Results When You Know It Isn’t Possible

This is known as “Veruca Salt Syndrome.”

They want everything now even though they don’t know how long it takes to get the results they desire.

These clients will make your life miserable and they will make you question what you are doing and they might cause you to doubt yourself.

Over time, this can hurt your business and they will stress you out if you let them.

Do you know why Veruca Salt was eliminated from getting the factory at the end?

Because she was a brat.

Let them know how much of a brat they are and show them the door if you can.

8. Your Gut Says They’re Bad News

You know what to do.

Do what it takes to get rid of them.

Enough said.

9. There Seems To Be So Many Unclear Expectations and A Lot of Fighting

Unclear expectations causes a lot of confusion and nothing else.

It becomes like a reality TV show where everyone is on pins and needles about what’s going to happen.

Someone is mysterious about something.

As a result, tension builds up and almost everyone starts fighting.

This isn’t good.

In some cases, this can be resolved if everyone has a sit down and everyone discusses what is going on with each side and why everyone is apprehensive.

There could be a common ground that can be reached and as a result, everyone will want to continue to work together.

Try doing this sit down first and truly put yourself in your client’s position.

If you are not providing them what they really want, that’s the tension.

However, if you are providing them what they want and they still complain, it’s time to give that client the boot if you can.

10. Too Much Drama

You are getting paid to handle a problem that they have and/or to provide them a service that they want.

That’s it (along with great customer service of course).

Them giving you an attitude like a diva from one of these silly reality TV shows?

No.

That’s unacceptable conduct.

Just because you pay for something does not mean you have the right to be an entitled whiner who complains all day and night about your problem.

This person might be causing you stress and internal agony that you simply want to get rid of for your own good.

If you are dealing with this kind of person who produces symptoms of “Reality TV Show Syndrome,” it’s time to get them out of your life.

There is no other way to put it.

Every person who pays for a service you provide must follow codes of conduct that are to be enforced.

They shouldn’t have to stomp on over you and make you vulnerable to attacks and verbal tantrums.

It is not their privilege to do that.

With this, you already know that clients are a necessity to live.

It is what it is.

However, if you have bad clients and can afford to get rid of them, please do so for your own good. Toxic people are simply not worth the trouble.

Pull the trigger, let them go.

You’ll be glad you did.

How To Get Out of Each Type of Toxic Relationship

For each type of relationship, it’s always on a case by case basis as to what strategy you need to employ in order to get out of it.

We will go over each type of relationship again and a general overview as to when you need to get out of the relationship.

1. Romantic

This one depends on what type of romantic relationship you are in.

It will be different if it’s a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship where there are technically no obligations to the other person versus a marriage where there are several parameters involved like who gets the house, who gets the kids, child support, etc.

Now, I personally have never been in a romantic relationship before, so I would heavily recommend talking to someone who is an expert at romantic relationships to provide you detailed advice on what to do.

However, I have been in friendships, business partnerships and in the real world long enough along with an understanding of sales to elaborate on potential issues and how they can be avoided and when you should leave the relationship.

For boyfriend-girlfriend, recall that there are two primary issues that force breakups.

These two things are lack of communication and different values.

This is universal to every relationship.

When these two things are present, everyone is not on the same page.

This creates friction and it decreases the momentum of the relationship.

Also understand this:

Unless one person financially depends on the other for their survival, both of you technically have no obligation to the other person.

As a result, you are free to walk away at any time and in most cases, you won’t receive a business penalty for it provided you have the right mindset about the situation.

The business penalty is your job performance suffering and/or your business performance suffering as a result of the breakup.

If there is little to know business penalty for getting out of the relationship and you are in the position to walk away, you can simply leave them a note asking for a conversation where you will express your desire to leave the relationship.

If they say no to this conversation, don’t even bother with them.

They have their own problems.

Of course, like I said, please talk to a romantic relationship expert who can properly assist you with more specialized knowledge to assist you in your situation.

Also, if you just started a relationship, note that the happy phase will wear off over time and you will find each other’s flaws.

This is when the real test of the relationship begins.

Please reread the section “When to Walk Away From a Romantic Relationship” to freshen up on the signs that you need to leave the relationship so you don’t fall into a really messy and sticky situation.

2. Friendships

Friendships strictly depend on if the person provides any value to you whatsoever, be it business, fun, enjoyment, happiness, etc.

Value with friendships is not limited to putting cash in your pocket.

I encourage you to make a list of what this person brings to your life.

It could be anything good and/or anything bad.

Write all of these things down.

After you’ve written all of these things down, go over it and analyze the benefits (good things) and the costs (bad things) this person brings.

Define for yourself what would warrant you to continue a friendship with this person.

If you feel the benefits outweigh the costs, keep them around.

If not, get rid of them.

Also, go with your gut and what it tells you.

It has the right answer.

If you do that, you will be very lucky in your decision making.

Guaranteed.

3. Family Members

Family is your family.

There is no way around it.

However, you don’t have to keep them around if there are no financial strings attached.

If there are no financial strings attached, treat them no differently than you would anyone else.

They are to be held accountable and held to the same standard/boundaries that you would hold a customer or another employee in your business.

Let me demonstrate an example to prove my point.

Let’s say that your mom wants to see you in your office even when you are meeting with important clients.

She keeps insisting and she keeps insisting to see you at those times.

You know for a fact you can’t just let her in.

That’ll drive away your clients.

What you can do here is have security escort her out if you can afford it.

If not, when she tries to communicate with you, simply ignore her.

That’s right. Cold shoulder treatment.

She needs to know that she will be treated like every customer.

If she wants to see you, she must offer business value in order to get to you in your business time.

Trust me, you are not the mean one here.

She is requesting access to your time even though your time has worth and she doesn’t want to pay that price simply because she is your mom.

Let her understand that there is a process to get to you and she must follow the rules or she won’t be allowed in.

It’s that simple.

If you want to see her, then set some boundaries as to when she can and cannot see you.

Otherwise, get her out of your life ASAP along with any other family member who tries to intrude on your time.

4. Customers, Employers and Clients

This one is on a case by case basis and frankly, you should speak to a trusted professional about your situation.

However, as a general rule of thumb, analyze how much value the relationship brings to you.

If it brings a lot of business to you, letting go of this relationship is going to be very difficult.

You need to make sure that you can keep yourself afloat financially otherwise.

If you need to keep the relationship, you need to upskill fast so you can sell your way out of it and onto new business that will compensate you better.

You also need to hustle more to find more clients or another employer who will be less of a pain in the butt than the client/employer that you have.

This does mean networking.

And a whole lot of it.

Put your heart into it more than anything else if you want a single chance because if you don’t put any enthusiasm and energy and passion into what you are doing, you are going to falter extremely quick and the competition will eat you up alive.

You need that motivation to get you over the top.

Also, with client and employers you can’t get rid if, for the time being before you can give them up, you have to do what they say.

Period.

If you break their rules, there goes the food.

So if they call you during your workout, stop the workout and pick up the phone.

Don’t argue with them about ANYTHING.

If they call you at 3 am in the morning, get up and pick up the phone.

Don’t argue.

Remember, the customer/employer is your parent, not your parents.

Now, with employers, clients and customers you CAN get rid of, always stick to your contract.

That is the bible for the business deal.

Don’t break it.

For having an employer, you wouldn’t need this much aside from issues like discrimination and maybe worker’s compensation for when you are hurt on the job, but for clients and customers, you need a business lawyer.

No questions about it.

This is the only way you can hold your clients/customers accountable for their actions.

What the client/customer will do is they will look for every single loophole in the book and they’ll expose it against you the earliest chance they get.

Don’t let this happen to you.

Also, now that you are in the position to leave them, you can negotiate with strength on your side against them.

Firmly let them know that they have to pay up.

Be confident and strong in this.

Don’t be susceptible to their tactics.

Also, depending on your situation, ask any professional that you trust to examine the situation for you and seek their feedback.

They might have a clue specific to your situation to which they can give you to your advantage.

5. Colleagues and Professionals

These depend strictly on where you are on the totem pole in your industry.

If you are low, it will be difficult to get rid of this person at first since you need to provide way more value to others in order for this person to not provide enough business value to warrant a relationship.

There can be many scenarios to which you might be in, so definitely speak to someone you trust on how to approach this.

Now, if you have the power in your industry, you can pick and choose who you want to be in a relationship with and you can set boundaries for this relationship.

Why can you do this?

Because your time has value and other people are in the position to which they need that value to get ahead in their lives.

So because of this, you can set boundaries as a bargaining chip so your time is not stolen.

When you are in this position, stick to those boundaries and don’t be wavered.

People will try to do that because everyone loves a bargain.

They will try to buy you for cheap.

Charge what you are worth, not for what will get you more people to deal with.

Sometimes, bringing more people into the mix will add unnecessary roughness to your life and it will wear you out and bring a big opportunity cost that you don’t need.

And as always, read what your gut is saying about the situation and the person and you will get a very good indication as to what you should do with them.

In general, getting out of a relationship has a cost benefit to them.

You’ll be gaining something in return for something else.

You should always do this before making any decisions about anything in life, not just relationships.

Researching your options is the number one way to avoid mistakes.

In fact, lack of research is the number one reason as to why businesses fail, why people make poor decisions about things, why people regret things and why marriages fail.

Sure, a lot of articles are going to say different things, but when you boil down to the root of those problems, all of those problems could’ve been prevented if everyone just did their research about potential problems and did what they needed to do to avoid them.

If you knew to communicate more, would you have prevented a friend from not being a friend anymore?

Exactly.

In this case, doing research means you know that you are the one who has to initiate every conversation and that if you don’t initiate the conversation consistently, you will fail.

From personal experience, research is everything when it comes to doing everything correctly.

If you do that, you will eliminate, at a minimum, 70-80% of the problems that come from any type of relationship.

And not only that, you can be a great leader as a result because you’ll know what to do and what not to do with confidence.

And when you have confidence, you can take charge of your life and lead others to where they want to go.

Hence, your value in life goes up.

Now, here is something that can help you tremendously in avoiding a lot of the problems of bad relationships:

The #1 Thing You Can Do To Avoid Toxic Relationships

Consistent communication (and over-communication).

That’s the short answer.

The long answer?

Lack of communication is the number 1 reason why sales are lost in business, why relationships fail, why friends go away and why people can get mad fast.

When people don’t communicate with each other, there is this mystery and uncertainty that makes everyone involved uncomfortable.

Tension builds up and everyone loses trust amongst each other.

Fights occur and unless someone steps up to be the leader in the group, everyone wants to be alone.

That’s what a lack of communication does.

Let me ask you, have you let a relationship slip away before?

If you reflect back on why that happened, why do you think it happened?

Your case can always be different, but I bet you that the primary reason why this relationship fell apart was because of a lack of communication.

If no one is talking to each other, how can there be a relationship?

And how can there be trust?

That’s why for any relationship you are in, if you want to prevent significant problems that can get everyone in trouble and can cause disarray, set the boundaries and the strict rules regarding how everything should be communicated and stick by them.

Aside from the values component, consistent communication can resolve at least half of the problems in any relationship from business, personal, friendships, etc.

It gets everyone on the same page and on the same wavelength so that everyone knows where they are going.

Now, consistent communication is the first important piece to the puzzle of a successful relationship.

In a lot of situations, it’s a symptom of a problem instead of the problem itself.

Sometimes, it is the problem.

Look very closely at the situation at hand and see why the lack of communication is going on.

That could be the answer as to why someone is not communicating consistently.

Probably, it could be the priorities.

Other times, they are not sold.

Whatever the case may be, get this communication thing corrected because if you do, you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary misery (and perhaps your bank account as well).

Signs of a Great Relationship

As much as it is useful to know when you must walk away from a bad relationship, you should always know when you are in a great relationship so you can make the most out of it.

As discussed earlier, relationships are products where you should see the benefit of them to see if they are worth it.

With that said, let’s look at characteristics of a great relationship and you determine for yourself whether your own relationship has any of these traits:

1. Trust

This is the most important ingredient for any successful relationship.

Without this, you might as well pack it up and go home (unless you just met the person and you are starting to build the relationship).

If you are in a relationship with trust, it means that everyone is doing their part and everyone is consistent with it.

Not one person lies at all.

If there are disagreements, they are handled in a systematic manner instead of everyone arguing all of the time.

That’s why it is important to have this written agreement outlining everyone’s responsibilities and expectations and what everyone should be receiving in return, particularly in romantic relationships.

If everyone upholds this agreement, trust issues should be kept to, at maximum, a mere clarification that needs to be addressed. 

Anything not addressed in the written agreement that happens to pop up since no one considered it initially should warrant an amendment to the document that needs an update to reflect the times, not an immediate breakup.

If everyone follows the agreed upon system and does their part and is held accountable, the trust issues should not be there.

2. Consistent Communication

Trust is the number one ingredient for a successful relationship, but consistent communication is the thing that prevents a relationship from falling apart. 

Just like going to the gym, you have to make sure you keep in touch with those you are in a relationship with so that they don’t forget you and so everyone is on the same page.

If that consistent communication disappears, it’s like a great body disappearing when you skip the gym often or information coming out of your head when you don’t study a piece of material consistently.

It has to be there if you want the relationship to last and to grow into something more than just a relationship.

With consistent communication, everyone is in the loop with what’s going on and information can be relayed from one person to the other with momentum instead of weird conversations.

That way, everything builds upon itself instead of every conversation being like everyone is talking to a stranger.

Of course, lack of communication is most likely a side effect of the real problem, which could be lack of trust or differing values, which will be discussed next.

3. Same Values

This is the topic about each person having the same priorities with respect to the relationship and as people.

From the onset of getting to know each other, this should be asked so everyone can get a sense of what each person wants in the relationship and if they are a fit for what the other person wants.

I’ll give you some examples with respect to each kind of relationship to prove my point.

Let’s say that you are a company hiring someone for a position.

You want someone who wants to stay overtime and work like a dog to produce revenue for your company.

In this case, you value someone who is committed to winning and committed to doing whatever it takes to produce the best result.

The prospective employee you are interviewing values going home at 5 o’clock and not doing anything for the rest of the day.

What does this tell you?

It tells you that this employee does not line up with your mission and what you are looking for.

If you hire this person, it will cost you more than what you are getting and there will be lots of disagreements because everyone’s priorities are different.

Every relationship should be set up so that everyone gets what they want without anyone losing and everyone’s priorities can be fulfilled from doing the relationship with the other person.

Let’s look at another example to see this point:

Suppose we have two people going on a date.

They talk and one person tells the other that they like going on outdoor adventures.

The other person becomes excited because he/she likes going on outdoor adventures as well.

Both individuals were looking for someone to go on outdoor adventures with while having a romantic spark.

In this case, these two have the same values from this standpoint.

As a result, both individuals will be willing to devote more into the relationship since they both prioritize the same things. Both have something the other person wants.

Of course, it’s a lot more detailed than this and this particular value would not be the only one that would need to line up for a successful romantic relationship to occur.

It’s just to prove a point for you to see what you need to look for.

Let’s look at a good friendship so you can see who you should hang out with.

Let’s say that you are a basketball fan and the person you meet at the bar is also a basketball fan.

Both of you start talking and you both talk about a topic you both like talking about: who is the better basketball player between Michael Jordan and LeBron James.

You both start talking for hours on end without knowing where the time went.

In short, you both have this thing in common (the same value) and you both have the same priority, talking about this debate.

Hence, it is the mark of a good friendship that can turn into something else.

For a customer/client, let’s look at it from the perspective of someone who is not a fit from an obvious perspective and someone who is a fit, but it could be hard to identify:

Let’s say you are someone who sells cars and you offer the car for no less than $30k.

The person who is looking to buy the car will offer no more than $15k for the car.

Is there a value dissonance?

Of course assuming no negotiations.

This relationship will be abysmal if it were to happen.

Now, let’s say you are that same car salesman selling the $30k car.

The buyer is coming in and he desperately needs the car.

He is willing to pay whatever for the car.

You both want to make a deal, hence you both value the same thing and have the same priorities.

You have a car you want to sell and he needs a car.

Both people have something the other person wants.

Result?

A good business deal (assuming the buyer did his shopping and research) and everyone getting what they need and hence, a successful relationship.

Now let’s look at a successful family member relationship and see how values play a role in that:

Both of you have something in common.

It happens to be that you both like sports (like the friends example).

You both have friendly debates about everything sports and both of you stay in contact consistently.

Hence, both of you are in the loop in each other’s lives and you both bond on this common interest.

As a result, you both want to keep the relationship going.

This is because your values are the same and you both provide something the other person wants, which is a sense of belonging with someone who has something in common with you.

And also, you both are honest with each other since you both lived up to your words.

This honesty factor is key for any relationship, but many family members abuse this because they think that just because they are your family, they have permission to be dishonest whenever they want.

This is not okay.

However, both of you are honest, which provides comfort with being around each other.

As a result, you both have a successful relationship.

Family members, subconsciously, will treat everyone like everyone else when evaluating them.

They will treat some family members with more respect than others.

However, having the same values is a good indicator of how well the relationship will go with a family member.

For a colleague/professional, it’s all about how each person is serving the other something they want/need.

Both individuals (or all if it’s more than 2 people) must benefit from the relationship somehow for it to last.

That’s the same value component.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that a professional and a job seeker meet at a networking event.

They talk for a long time and the job seeker sends something pretty interesting to the professional.

It’s a document outlining all of the skills he possesses and the value he can bring to the professional’s company as a result.

The professional is amused.

He immediately tells his supervisor what is going on with this job seeker.

It’s an answer to a need.

They need the job seeker’s skills in order to fill a position.

And that’s just getting things started.

The job seeker keeps emailing the professional about what he’s doing and this also adds value to the company.

Everyone in the company takes notice and they all scream “HIRE HIM!”

He gets hired and he eventually becomes the CEO of the company years later.

Why was this?

Because each party wanted to get a deal done.

That’s the value and the priority.

They both had something the other person wanted. The company wanted someone with the skills to fill the position and the job seeker wanted a job.

They both were fine with the compensation they were getting.

Hence, it’s good business.

In any business deal, the relationship has to have the standard ingredients:

1. Each person wants to get a deal done (the same values and priorities)

2. Each person has something the other person wants/needs

That’s the sign (in general) of a good business deal.

And that is how you need to approach these relationships.

Find out what they want/need and give it to them somehow.

This goes for jobs, contracts, networking, etc.

Anything to do with people, that’s the general outline on how to go about things.

4. Direction / Goals

A relationship with no direction is like a ship in the ocean without a captain and going different directions all at once.

It goes nowhere and stays where it is.

Everyone in a relationship with significant consequences MUST sit down before starting and discuss what they want out of the relationship and how everyone will do their part to get there.

In other words, a goal setting session must take place before the start of a relationship.

For some relationships, you don’t have to do a sit down since you can walk away just fine (a friendship for instance). Just evaluate in your mind what’s happening and go from there. Set your goals in your head and steer the ship from there.

However, the serious ones need a sit down for everyone to be onboard.

Why?

Because the last thing we want is for everyone to not be on the same page and chaos to break loose.

This will result in significant consequences for everyone.

So, the first thing is for someone to ask everybody “What do you all want out of this relationship?”

And the next thing everyone should think about is how they can provide those things.

That way, no one is a slacker and everyone is a leader somehow.

In other words, active participation from everybody.

Next, everyone must identify where the relationship will go and the steps to get there.

That way, there is direction and everyone has focus. 

There is a clear ideal destination that you are all driving to and everyone is taking steps to get there.

Without this direction, everyone is doing random stuff with no clear purpose.

This results in wasted time and wasted money.

Additionally, everyone is consistent with what they are doing because they have a reason to do the things they are doing every day (everyone is receiving value in exchange for what they are doing).

This takes out the uncertainty factor in many relationships that fail otherwise.

In essence, direction gives everyone a “why” behind what they are doing.

There is no confusion and the likelihood of quitting the relationship drops significantly.

Over time, everyone’s effort gets higher and higher since the relationship will naturally work and the entire team will accomplish great things as a result.

This is how great teams are built and what wins championships over time.

You don’t have to have the most talented players in the world to win since a great team is far more important than who has the most talent.

Believe it or not, having the most talent can actually hurt you more than it can help since talented people tend to have the largest egos in general.

People who are overlooked or whose lack of skill might overshadow other qualities about them far more important than what’s necessary for a job tend to make the best teammates since they don’t have this need to “hold the ball.”

They tend to do what’s best for the team.

And that’s the people you need to look for when building a team or entering a relationship with.

You must ask yourself whether or not you are compatible with that person and are they a team player and willing to provide value somehow.

If they want everything without providing anything in return or are simply bad teammates, throw them out into the jungle.

They will hurt your bottom line more than anything.

5. Enforced Standards/Boundaries

This is important.

Without this level of accountability, there isn’t a relationship.

There’s chaos.

It’s like having a country without laws and everyone running loose without any clothes on.

I know, it’s an extreme description, but it’s true.

Any relationship that succeeds will have these boundaries so that there’s accountability and so everyone knows what is expected of each other.

The last thing that you need is a bunch of confusion and everyone doing things recklessly and arguing.

Having these enforced standards are the law in the relationship. If they are followed, everything will be okay.

If not, things will not be okay and a problem will occur.

Since it is in writing for everyone to see, the problems will reduce since they can see the terms before entering the relationship and they can see what is expected of them and what they can receive in return for doing their part in the relationship.

Hence, clarity and peace of mind are provided assuming everyone has the same values, the same priorities with respect to the relationship, everyone receives what they value in return for what they are giving and it is a good business deal for everyone.

Now with enforced standards comes this next key sign of a great relationship and that is:

6. Accountability

Everyone must hold each other accountable.

Period.

Without accountability, there is no culture to which everyone can buy into.

This is how great teams are built.

Everyone does their part and when someone doesn’t do their part, there are repercussions for not doing your part.

This is how you really get people to take action on what you want since no one wants to be punished somehow.

If people know that they will be punished for not doing the task, they will do the task to avoid the negative consequence.

That’s how profitable companies are managed and that’s how teams that win championships operate.

If you don’t do your part, you are out.

Especially if it’s in writing where there could be legal consequences.

If everyone in the relationship is doing this, the chances of the relationship failing will drop significantly as a result of having momentum to build upon what you are all doing.

Of course, this doesn’t mean it won’t fail because everything else has to line up for it to succeed, but the chances of the relationship failing will drop.

Think back to the situations regarding Coach Carter and the LA Clippers mentioned earlier in this post.

What was the one trait that determined how their teams would do throughout the season?

Exactly.

Without accountability, you have your superstars missing practices, being late to team flights, choosing to not play in the games and whining on social media about how they are the best and in the “driver’s seat” when they clearly weren’t.

And getting bounced out in the 2nd round of the playoffs after being up 3-1 in the series with 3 chances to close the deal (we are talking 15, 19 and 20 point leads blown).

With accountability, you have those missing practices and talking trash do 500 pushups, run up and down the court 1000 times, suspended for skipping class and getting bad grades.

And you come up only 1 basket shy of the State Championship.

A noticeable difference in outcomes, but very true throughout any kind of relationship.

Accountability = Success.

No Accountability = This.

Know this well for any relationship you are in and you will be better off than most people.

How To Know You’ve Found a Dependable Person

Ok, now for some good news.

As much as it’s important to get rid of those who do not do their part in relationships, it’s even more important to keep those who do their part and whom you can trust when you need help.

Here are 3 signs that you have found a dependable person to keep around in your life:

1. They Consistently Do What They Say

Remember “Politician’s Syndrome?”

There’s a reason you don’t trust politicians.

Why?

Because they don’t do what they say.

They do the opposite.

Putting this person in your life will create unwanted misery for you and you will suffer.

However, when you have someone that actually does what they say they will do and delivers on their promises, you can work with them since you can trust that they can produce results for you.

Let me show you an example to prove my point.

Bill Belichick is arguably the greatest football coach ever.

If you are not a football fan, he is the coach of the New England Patriots who has won 6 Super Bowls as the head coach of the Patriots with 9 Super Bowl appearances.

Players know him as the most dependable coach in the NFL.

Why?

Because he consistently does what he says more than anyone.

He consistently prepares for each game.

He consistently holds everyone on the roster accountable for their actions.

And he always preaches his motto of moving on to the next game immediately.

If you’ve seen his press conferences after every game, you know what I’m talking about.

Players do not question this man because of it.

Since he consistently tells the truth and does what he says and players see how it can benefit them, they do what he says and hence, they win.

At least that’s what you hear from everyone who has played and coached under him.

If you don’t think this doesn’t apply to your life, think about a boss or someone around you who always lives up to their word.

How have they done?

Chances are, they’ve done excellent in their lives and they are, at least, one of the best at what they do.

This is consistent across the entire board because liars never win in the long run.

They ALWAYS get caught.

Truth tellers who do what they say they do always win in the long run because the universe never punishes those who tell the truth (unless you are a criminal who pled guilty).

The truth always wins.

With that said, always look for someone who is honest and does what he/she says they will do on a consistent basis, day in and day out.

THAT’S the person to go with in your quest for effective partnerships.

Go right into that relationship once you have found and verified the person fits this criteria.

2. They Research, Plan, Commit and Execute

This is the general formula for winning.

Anyone who is following this blueprint has their head straight and they know what they are doing.

Lack of research into what you are doing is the number 1 reason why most things fail, be it relationships, business ventures, having a great vacation, solving a common household problem, getting a job, etc.

Research gives you the answers, or at least a general idea, as to what you are doing.

From there, you can plan effectively.

And planning effectively will ensure that you succeed in what you do provided that you commit to following the plan in full with vision and determination, much more than anyone else.

And when you execute this plan, you will come out on top.

I’ll give you an example to prove that this principle is true:

Let’s say you are going on vacation.

Let’s say that you are going to go on the best cruise ever to your favorite destination (Caribbean, Europe, Alaska, South Pacific, etc.).

You want to make sure that you book the rooms you want, go on the excursions you want to go on without being dependent on other people taking the excursions and do the activities on the ship that you want to do.

The first thing to do in this case is to book the trip as early in advance as possible to give you the most options.

The more time you have, the better chance you can get what you want.

The earlier you book, the more rooms (cabins) you will have available to pick from.

Additionally, you get more time to research the excursions you can go on since less people have booked them.

I want you to notice the underlying theme here:

Self-Control.

The person who plans has self-control.

Notice that in a person or company. They are the ones to trust.

Anyway, you also want to lower your price as much as possible.

Here’s what you do for a cruise:

Don’t book the excursion with the cruise line.

Instead, you will book it with an operator at a port of call.

Exception: It’s an afternoon excursion where you might miss the ship if you don’t book with the cruise line or you are in a dangerous country like Honduras.

Why do you book with someone on shore?

Because they will offer a lower price for the excursion.

Hence, you save money.

Additionally, you know at this point you will spend a certain amount of time within certain hours and you can use other hours to plan what you will do on the ship, what specialty dining you can do, what parties to go to, etc.

Basically, you have structure as to what you will do and hence, you will maximize your time on your cruise and you will spend less money as a result.

Of course, for vacations, you should be spontaneous here and there to REALLY maximize your time, but planning should be utmost in setting the foundation for getting the most out of it.

In business relationships, same thing.

You have a general vision of what you are going to do and then, when you know the moment is right, be spontaneous and you will put whipped cream on your already delicious pudding.

Anyone who is like this knows what they are doing, but they also like to sprinkle in a bit of fun as well.

This is the person you should consider rolling with in whatever you decide to do.

Of course, you must have the same values, complementing priorities, deliver value to one another and it has to be a good business deal along with you doing your part, but assuming everything checks out ok, this is the type of person to go with.

3. He/She/They Hold You Accountable For Your Actions

This is the sign that the person or company or group you are in a relationship with is a leader and controls their own destiny.

You don’t want to be with someone who is going to follow you for the sake of following you.

They must have their act together.

This means that they have to know what they want and they must have direction.

They must also know when it is time to step in and call someone out for not doing their job.

This is necessary in any relationship.

Anyone who calls someone out for not doing their job (in a professional manner of course) has their heart into it.

And having your heart into something means you want to make it work with everything you’ve got.

That is what champions do.

Champions fight not just for themselves, but for each other.

That is what a truly great relationship can do for you.

It can make you all champions if you all work together and hold each other accountable for what you all do.

I’ll prove to you some examples of how this works.

The Miami Heat is one of the elite franchises in the National Basketball Association (NBA).

Sometimes, the Heat had teams stacked with talent, the most famous being the “Big 3” era of LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.

Other times, they had less talented teams.

Somehow someway, the Heat are competitive every single year, regardless of what roster they have.

Granted, they might not make the playoffs every year, but they are right there in the mix.

There was one season in particular that stood out from the rest.

In 2020, the Coronavirus pandemic struck and the teams were forced to continue the season at Walt Disney World.

The Heat had one of the least talented teams in the league.

If you didn’t Google this and you are not familiar with basketball, do you know what happened that season?

The Heat made it to the NBA Finals.

And even without two of the most important players due to injury (one of them was the team’s leading scorer that postseason), they were still able to take the superstar heavy LA Lakers squad led by LeBron James to 6 games.

That is incredible by NBA standards.

In one of the games (game 5), two rookies on the Heat matched the scoring total of everyone on the Lakers outside of LeBron James and Anthony Davis.

In a league where superstars run the show, that is outstanding.

Why were they able to do this?

Culture.

To define culture for you, culture is a set of values, attitudes and beliefs shared by a group of people, be it a sports team, a business, a country, ethnicity, etc.

One of the values in the Miami Heat organization is accountability.

This involves telling others to step up when they are not doing their job.

Everyone on the Miami Heat embraced that and because they did so along with the other beliefs of the organization, they got to the Finals.

This goes to show you the power of culture in any group you are part of.

Another example are companies who adopt a successful company work culture to foster growth.

I came across an article that sounded very interesting and it validates the point of having a culture in a company that everyone on the team can buy into and aligns with what they want/need.

For instance, there was one point in having cross team collaboration so that everyone’s success is dependent on the other.

Basically, what this means is no one can do their job without input from the other. Hence, everyone is forced to work together to get the job done.

This is the foundation for a culture revolved around accountability, which every company needs in order to be a cut above everyone else.

If one person or group doesn’t do well, it affects the whole team and hence, the project fails.

This makes it so that the entire team has to operate together towards a common goal instead of apart from each other. 

It is in this type of organization that there will be accountability and everyone will hold each other accountable (at least the good ones).

Hence, everybody is forced to grow and lead in order to get the job done.

If you can find a company that employs this type of culture, definitely consider partnering with them and/or working for them.

It is rare to see companies like this.

Yet, it’s these companies that succeed more than others.

The bottom line is anyone who holds you and themselves accountable is worthy of considering being in a relationship with.

Please find this person ASAP so you have one less issue to worry about when it comes to finding the right person to be in a relationship with.

How To Stop Being Jealous of Someone

Jealousy is NOT a sign of love.

Jealousy is a sign that you need to stop thinking about that thing right now.

No seriously.

Jealousy is one of the biggest reasons why people adopt SO many bad habits like overspending on things they don’t need, destroying their body for no health reason, trying to be someone that they are not, etc.

You might feel a temptation to “join” a certain group because you crave being in a group of people.

This is because the salesman correctly utilized 3 psychological triggers called “desire to belong,” desire to collect” and “exclusivity” to trick you into becoming jealous.

This is how many high end brands like Gucci, Mercedes, the Ritz-Carlton, Louis Vuitton, etc. get people to buy their products like hotcakes.

I’m not saying these people are evil, but they are doing what they need to do to sell and you need to be aware of this so your well being doesn’t get affected as well.

With this said, here’s how you get rid of jealousy:

1. Turn Off The TV And The Noise

The media will manipulate you as much as they can (these guys are evil).

They will make you feel bad about yourself and they will do everything they can to get you depressed so they can keep your attention so they can have control.

Once you turn off your TV for good and get rid of your smartphone as well, your brain will calm down immensely and you will start getting a true perspective of where you are in your life.

2. Realize That You Need To Work On Yourself

If you are constantly thinking about someone because of their accomplishments, this means you need to get to work to improve you.

There’s no other way around it.

Everything you want in life starts with making the decision to improve yourself to the point where you can have the things you desire.

At that point, you will truly be happy and eliminate any thoughts about other people.

3. Find What It Is You Need To Work On

It could be your career, your finances, your health, your relationship, etc.

Your vehicle for getting out of the rut you are in surrounding your last relationship requires you to answer this question so you can spend your time and energy on what matters the most.

And because you are focusing your energy on something that will actually help you, you will not feel the need to constantly think of this person since you will be busy.

People who are really busy do not get jealous of other people.

They are only asking themselves “How can I get better? What can I do to achieve my goal? What am I doing wrong? Who do I need to network with so I can achieve my goal and how do I go about doing it?”

Here, they are thinking about the future and plotting that future instead of dwelling on the past or on someone else’s successes.

Dwelling will only get you to do worse instead of better.

There are multiple case studies on people who did not get over the past and instead, they dwelled on comparing themselves to others and whoops, they got themselves into trouble.

This is not the place you want to be.

Instead, you want to be focused on YOU Inc. and how you are going to get where you want to go.

In short, this is what you need to do:

A) Adopt a championship mindset

This is the very first step.

Without this, nothing else falls into place.

You need to want it and when you do that, you will get your eyes on the prize.

At that point, you will do whatever you need to do to earn what you want.

And that’s a fact.

The skills and strategy will come with time if you put your mind to it and you know you want it badly more than anyone else.

B) Figure Out The Specific Knowledge You Need

This is super critical.

You can have all of the discipline in the world, be the hardest worker, show up on time, put in the hours and take the action you need, but if you don’t have the specific knowledge to get the job done, you are still not going anywhere.

Having the correct knowledge and taking action on it will get you out of the rut that you are in.

Many people say that it is because you are not working hard enough or you are not resourceful enough or you aren’t motivated enough.

While in some cases this is true, I would imagine that if you are busting your butt and getting up everyday to work on what you need to work on, it’s not because you are not working hard enough.

It’s a lack of knowledge.

So how do you get it?

It depends on what your goal is.

Your number 1 source should be books because chances are, the knowledge you need are in them provided that they are good.

Also depending on your field, you should get a mentor once you finish reading the books you need because at that point, you’ll take the theoretical stuff you learned and know how to apply it correctly in the real world (where it matters).

This is where you can start producing value for others in a concrete way that can yield real world results, which is what people will pay you to produce (not sit around in a basement eating Cheetos all day).

All of this is the correct research you need to do in order to come up with the best product for the marketplace (not you).

Why them?

Because they are paying.

Yes, you want to achieve a certain thing, but the people who can reward you do not care about that.

Realize that; it’s very different from jealousy in that you are taking their demands into account to create a product instead of letting them be your life.

C) Plan

A man or woman who fails to plan plans to fail.

Period.

It’s true regardless of what you do.

Plan the steps that you need to take in order to get where you need to go.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, but you need at least a general idea of how you want to go about things.

You can adapt to the circumstances as you go.

That’s what great leaders do when things don’t go as planned.

They adjust.

And you need to recognize that when you’re in any relationship.

It might’ve looked good, but when you got deep into it, you realized “Uh oh, this wasn’t what I thought.

That’s when it’s time to regroup and adjust.

But, if you plan, your chances for succeeding in what you do go up dramatically.

That’s at least what research says on good planning.

D) Commit

This is key.

You need to be committed to the process.

Without full-on commitment, you will not go anywhere.

This lack of commitment will show up fast to those who see you every day.

As a result of lack of commitment, you will be demotivated and you will not follow the plan to the fullest.

This is why many companies and individuals do not get far in their relationships and their businesses.

It’s also why you should want to do this thing because if you want to do this thing so much, you will commit to doing what it takes.

E) Execute

Last, but certainly not least.

Everything will all come down to executing the plan in full and putting your heart into what you do.

When you do this, you will start winning in any aspect of your life that you apply these principles to be it your relationship, career, traveling on vacations, meeting new people, etc.

It’s the simple 4 step framework that generates results on a consistent basis and it’s this:

Research

Plan 

Commit

Execute

Of course, there are more steps within these steps to fine tune it correctly, but if you have this general framework in place, you will be successful the vast majority of the time since it’s what you need to do.

Also, remember the great signs of relationship discussed in topic 8 and keep note of it in everything you do.

In general, this is the blueprint that generates results according to research, experience, testimonials, etc.

Just follow it, tailor it to your situation and you will not go wrong.

I promise.

How To Get Over a Bad Relationship

As much as it’s important to stop being jealous of someone, you have to learn to get over it.

There is a way to accomplish this feat.

This will NOT work immediately, but rather, with time.

It’s called the STOP Method.

What you do is every time you think about the person (or people) you are dwelling on, you will close your eyes and say “STOP.”

What will happen is you are initially going to see a mental picture of the person you are constantly thinking about.

Once you say “STOP,” you will begin to start seeing a picture of something you are supposed to be doing or something that is a healthy reminder of what you should be doing.

For instance, let’s say you are getting over a breakup and you can’t stop thinking about your ex.

What you’ll do is once your ex pops up in your mind, you will close your eyes and say “STOP.”

Every time you say “STOP,” the picture of your ex gradually disappears.

Now, note that I say “gradually.”

This doesn’t mean immediately.

To get rid of the person you are dwelling on away from you for a brief moment, you’ll need to say “STOP” multiple times right after you say it the first time.

Using your self-control and laser focus, you will prevent this person from reappearing in your mind as much as you can.

Getting rid of this person completely will require you to use this “STOP” method consistently for months (I’ve used this method and this is how long it took me to get over things I was dwelling on).

I heavily advise you to use self-control as your weapon along with your laser focus towards your goals to be your primary thoughts.

Once this person (or group of people) shows up to interrupt your focus, perform the “STOP” method immediately and over time, you will improve your focus and get rid of this person (or group of people).

If you have a hard time seeing this, dwelling on this person and trying to get rid of him/her is like putting water on the windshields of your car and using the wiper blades to get rid of fog on the windshields.

Your focus is your ability to see the road in front of you when you are driving.

The fog is the person you want to get rid of.

They are disturbing you from seeing what you need to see to get ahead (your task).

The “STOP” method is the water and the blades getting rid of the fog.

The person reappearing is the fog reappearing.

Use the “STOP” method as many times as you need to get the fog off of your windshields.

Think of it that way and your results with this method will improve drastically.

Close

Whew.

That was a lot of content.

I commend you for making your way through this monster of an article.

Whatever your situation is, just know that moving on from a relationship is not an easy decision to make.

It’s easy to just tell you what the answers are if I am not the one living with the outcome.

That being said, you can make this decision.

You can get over what you need to get over.

People have done it before you. It is not out of your reach to get over this.

You need to have self belief first and foremost that you CAN do it.

Without selling yourself that you can move on from your relationship, you will never get out of your relationship.

It has to come from within first.

People need to FEEL your energy and FEEL your passion to do better and to get out of the problems you are facing.

Don’t have low energy about this.

Treat getting out of a relationship as if you are trying to escape from North Korea with 100 North Korean soldiers chasing you down as you approach the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone).

Very extreme, but revealing.

You need to see that you need help and the people you need help from have to see it to.

It’ll motivate everybody and everybody will clearly see that you need help and it’ll raise their sense of urgency as well.

And that is what you need.

A sense of urgency.

Ask yourself.

Is getting out of this relationship important to you?

No really, is it?

I speak to you with a passion because you NEED to have a fire for resolving your situation.

How much heart do you have towards solving your problem?

It’s what’s necessary to get things done.

Your heart is what will get you out of bed in the morning and drive you to work on everything you need in order to get what you want.

And when you realize that, you will inevitably win.

I promise you that.

Anyone who has solved a problem put their heart into it to fix their problems.

Use it as well if you want it bad enough.

It’s been a pleasure writing this post for you and if you want more content that’ll skyrocket your productivity and help you reach your fullest potential so you can take over your own world, definitely subscribe to Join the Island, the world’s greatest blog, below with your email.

New posts will be sent to you right when they are published.

Until next time,

This is Evan signing off.

PS: Comment below with any questions or results you’ve gotten as a result of this post. It’d be great to hear them.